Monday, August 9, 2010

HOW CAN I COPE WITH MY CHEATING FATHER?

im 19 years old, i have known for a while that my stupid , selfish father is having an affair, i know my mom knows but it hurts her to admit it to herself and she doesnt want to say anything as my youngest sister is only 14.


i thought i was ok with it since im 19 but i cant bear the ******* thoughts of him spending his money on this other ******* woman.. i mean hes stingy with us.. i want to confront him but i was told not to and for the sake of my sisters and mom i wont but i want to know how can i get over it withouth anyone knowing , i dont want my sisters to find out and my dad doesnt know i know





we used to always go out on weekends and stuff , now his life is filled with lies of what hes doing on the ******* weekend.


i want to get this ladys number from his fone to tell her to get ******* lost but i can never get near his fone , ever , hes too private with it ....





im so mad, my mother does not deserve this , how dare he cheat on my mom and then come home to our family home and not talk to anyone all evening HOW CAN I COPE WITH MY CHEATING FATHER?
I am so sorry. It is always hardest on the kids. Talk to your Mom. She may have her reasons for staying.


1. Perhaps she is waiting for your sisters to get out of school.


2. Maybe she is getting her financial situation in order(which is a smart thing to do, especially with minor children).


3.Maybe she is gathering evidence.


The best thing you can do is whatever your Mom asks you to do.If she is doing any of these 3 things you could blow it for her by letting your Dad know that your on to him.HOW CAN I COPE WITH MY CHEATING FATHER?
tell yo mom to divorce that fool.
I strongly recommend seeing a counselor before you do anything. Without knowing much about your family, it's hard to really know what to do in a situation like this, because each situation is so different. Approach your mom and tell her you want to talk to a professional about this, that it is really affecting your life, and if she resists, then tell her that you need to have a family meeting to air everything out. Continuing to ignore this is not a healthy thing to do.
This is a terrible thing to have to go through when you are any age. I'm sorry for you and your family's situation. But remember, what goes on between your mother and father is their business. If you are really set on getting some kind of resolution to it, sit down and talk with your mother and your father. Separately if needed. Let them know how this is affecting you. It isn't fair for you to have to bear this load.





Above all, pray about it. I don't know if you believe is God or have faith of any kind, but the best thing you can do is pray about it. Pray that God gives you strength, and pray for your parents and the issues they have separately and together.


God will heal all wounds. And it is in His time that things will work themselves out.



Why shouldn't you talk with your dad? I think you should. It might not make a difference, but it might. And you need someone to talk with. This is too much to keep to yourself. I'm not one to advise a lot of people to do counseling, but I think you should try to talk with a counselor. Are you in school? If you are, there are school counselors to help you. If not, do you have a pastor? Most cities have pastoral car and counseling. Bless your heart. I am so sorry that you have this terrible pain. Your mom is blessd to have you for a son.
I am so sad that you have had to find this out. The best way to cope with this is to know this is between your mom and your dad and just pay close attention to the people you become involved with so that you don't pick someone the same. It is an issue that is in many marriages and can be resolved if BOTH parties work on the issues--infidleity is a symtom that something is missing in the relationship they have--it is not about you nor should you let it be--it is about your father and the values he is choosing to live by--if you can--you may talk to him about this or just call a hot line and talk to someone there and let them help you deal with all the things this means to you--be strong--good luck and my good thoughts are going your way.
I'm 31 and the father of two boys. My father was one of the most scamming, cheating and selfish person I've known. Even after I moved out at 17, I met some of the ladies who were in a relationship with him, and felt bad for them every single time.





My sisters and I have disowned him. He's now regretting his life, all by himself, as not even his brothers or any other relative wants anything to do with him.





My advice to you is to do whatever it takes to make him and your mother face up to the music, and help your sisters through the situation. Maybe both him and your mom are trying to stay together for the sake of the kids, but as you probably have already witnessed, the misery your mom is going through is affecting your sister in a negative way. Additionally, just as you found out, your sisters will too, eventually.





It is best that your mom divorces him, and gives a good example to your sisters (maybe to you too), that it is never ok to stay in a relationship, much less in a marriage, where your husband does not have the least amount of respect for you.





I know you'll find the way to do what is right for your mom and your sisters. Good luck.
good luck =] no rele dat sucks..


umm try to get her numba do ur thang


follow him to her house and u know do ur thang again





hope i helped
Your mother does deserve it if she knows about it and stays with the pig.





Your mother needs to move on and take you and your sister with her.





By the way, seeing as your 19 now, be a man and give your mom the backing that she needs to do the right thing.
Well im sorry 2 say theres really not much u can do here, BUT id recommend talking to your mom about it even if she doesnt want to talk about it. YES u, ur mom, and your sister will experience hurt but your mom needs to talk to your dad about where u guys are as a family and where your going. I will be praying for u and your family...
There is obviously something wrong in your parent's marriage and it's probably not something you can fix. I know it hurts and you feel betrayed maybe even more so than your Mom does but you can't do much about it since she's asked you not to say anything. How did you find out? Maybe you can confront your Dad with it if it was random. If your Mom told you, then keep quiet since she asked you to.
I know this must be difficult for you but you have to understand that your parents must live their own lives and you can not do it for them. If your mother has some idea of what is going on and she decides, for whatever reason, to allow this then you must accept her decision. It is hard to see someone you love going through such a traumatic event but she has allowed the situation to get to where it is and she is the only one who can get herself out of it.





Now I am not trying to defend your father but I do have to say that you do not know every detail of what happens in your parents relationship. This affair may have been a long time coming, your parents may have had relationship problems for years before this, your parents may not be in love any longer but are continuing the facade for the family's sake. I know your hurt, I know your anger, and I also know that you can not control what your parents do. As angry as it makes you, you must not allow this to control your thoughts. Do not push your father away. You don't know the struggles he may be going through in his life. The older I get the more I understand things like this...not that it is okay...but I understand. At 19 years of age you are certainly old enough to ask your father out on a ';date'; or for some ';one on one'; and discuss this. You are no longer a child and your opinion should be heard. This does not mean accusing him...this means asking him if he is seeing another woman and telling him how this makes you feel. I hope you will approach this situation with kindness and dignity toward your father. Every story has more than one side.
write him a note you should let him know how you feel! (this same thing happened to my when i was about 13) he will feel ashamed and you know what talk to your mom about it! you should make your mom be a good role model to your sister and show her that women have a voice and if she is ever treated that way then she should NOT STAND FOR IT! your sister will soon find out sooner or later and might be mad that you never told her i mean i would! it is really hard and scary i mean you feel so shaky when you write it and give it to them but really in the end it worked out for the better and i respect my mother for being strong and now i dont take any **** from guys ever! haha
Your mom's silence, your obvious anger and dad's odd behavior...I'm sure your sister has some idea of what is afoot! If he wants the other woman, then let her have him, have mom file for divorce under adultery on his part and she should be able to get a very nice settlement out of the jerk!!
My dad cheated and my mom found out, and she was never the same after that. I wouldn't say anything to him. I know it's hard, but the best way to help your family have a good life is to show the rest of your family the love and respect they deserve. If your father asks why you treat him coldly, just tell him you know what he's doing and you can't respect it. Trust me, he'll feel like hell for losing his child's love.
sweetie as hard as it is - this isn't your problem - this is between your parents and has nothing to do with you. all you can do is be supportive and loving towards your mum and respectful of him. it'll be hard but if you are argumentative with him then it will only make thing worse for your mum so bite your tongue and keep your opinions to yourself! sooner or later karma will take care of dad.'


good luck sweetie.
That really sucks what your father is doing. Sounds like your mother is financially dependent on her husband. This unfortunately is another example why women need to be financially independent. But if your mom chooses to stay with the lying cheat that is her choice. I would recommend that you talk to him privately. Maybe it will help. Maybe it will not. But at least you tried.
I know you are angry and hurt, you have that right. But their marriage is between them two, and them alone..you're father is wrong, yes.but there are two sides to every story and the truth usually lies somewhere in between. His affair is a symptom of a problem between your parents, not the cause. It's just not your place to get involved in their private world. They will eventually come to a decision on how to handle this problem, work it out or divorce. I'm sure they will tell you when they know themselves. Please remember parents are humans who make mistakes and bad decisions too. It's how we grow and learn, just because were are adults, doesn't mean we are grown. We also change, constantly. The best thing for you to do is learn what you do NOT want for yourself, by their mistakes. Try and always make some good come out of every bad thing in your life. Someday after you are married with kids you will see that there are many ways to hurt eachothers feelings and hurt your kids...and make your own kind of mistakes and bad decisions..and you will hope they have forgiving hearts.So try and leave the outcome to a higher power than yourself or parents, it will all work out.
The problem is it will cause problems but confront him, would he want his daughters or sons doing the same thing? it hurts all of you and he needs to be called on it. If you have proof go for it. No matter what he or your mother thinks it affects your relationship with men and your sisters as well. Normally daughters look for the qualities their father has to marry and, yes if he is a cheater you will most likely choose a cheater as well subconsciously. Just like a drunk will pick a drunk out of 100 people they will always hit the drunk than a normal person. But be prepared to suffer.
Just start sneaking laxative into his food so he goes to see her and sh!ts the whole time. Maybe you will get lucky and he'll drop a turd right on her.
Censorship won't help the matter, your sisters deserve to know. It's part of your mother's vows not to keep anything from her spouse or her family. In a way, you're sinking to his level. Confront him, tell him how you feel. This must be stopped and he needs to know how you feel about it if you want your parents to ever have a fulfilling relationship.
hi there, really sorry to here that..





I think the best is for your mum to divorce him, of course..


It takes time, but hopefully your mum realize the fact %26amp; have the courage to take action..





God bless you! :)
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