How can twin 11 year old boys cope with divorce?

My husband and I are both cheating on each other. I have a 1 year old daughter from my boyfriend and my husband is still filling out divorce papers. My 11 year old twin boys are acting very strange about all of this. What can my boyfriend and i do to make them happy again?How can twin 11 year old boys cope with divorce?
You can not ';make'; them happy but what you can do is reassure them that what is going on is not their fault and that nothing they did would have changed the fact that both you and your ex are disrespectful to each other and the relationship that you two had together.





You should also be sure to let them know that there is nothing that they can do to get mom and dad back together.





They need to see stability and good role models. If you and your boyfriend can not show them how to be honest, trustworthy and faithful people then perhaps they should go and live with Grandparents?





How long is your husband going to be ';filling out divorce papers'; anyway? I mean your child is one year old how slow is he writing. Get on with it already and give your twins some closure.How can twin 11 year old boys cope with divorce?
Their parents have taken away the security of a family , and I would say that neither one of you thought of them before jumping into bed with another person. You need to settle down somewhere and make a home for them , where they feel loved and safe.
Well it sounds like you have a horrible marriage and want a different person in your life. I don't agree with divorce but sometimes it just doesn't work so it is necessary and unforunately its more common in this day in age than 30 years ago.. I definitely don't believe in adultry. I DEFINITELY believe in divorce over adulty! ESPECIALLY when there are kids involved. Your boys know there is something going on...whether they know exactly what is going on or have no idea...they know there is something up. Your husband needs to finish up the paper work, figure out the custody order.





Whats done is done and they just need to know that this is no where close to their fault, and mommy and daddy just don't love each other anymore. Be honest with them.





You also have to think about the fact that is has to be really weird for the 2 boys to have someone other than their dad all over their mom, when they know mommy and daddy are still married.





I would strongly suggest have the boys talk to a counselor. Obviously you didn't think about what this would do to your boys! They know mommy and daddy are still married and mommy has a boyfriend...wouldn't that confuse the hell out of you if you were 11. Maybe they need to go live in a more stable household (grandparents, aunt or uncle's house...something) until you, your husband and your boyfriend have everything everything figured out!
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There maybe nothing you can do other than chat with them when they are willing to talk.





My parents divorced when I was fourteen. It didn't really affect me, I was already old enough, and dating, to understand that the relationship was a mess and even at that tender age I had wondered why it lasted as long as it did. When the split happened I wasn't surprised and I didn't really blame either parent for the disaster.





At the time I had a little sister who was five. She took the divorce poorly. She felt that she was responsible for the divorce and it didn't matter what I told her, she was convinced it was all her fault. It took her years to get over that and to finally begin to understand.





You may be luckier with your boys. They're too young to have had any dating experiences yet so they won't understand your problems, but they probably are old enough to have lost a few friends by now. Perhaps take that perspective. Perhaps try to explain that, marriage aside, you and your husband are sort of like friends and well, sometimes friendships don't last forever.





You might ask them if they've lost any friends in their lives and ask them why they lost those friends. Having friend move away obviously isn't a good example but perhaps they did lose a few simply because they grew apart or some other reason. Then try to draw an analogy through that story. Maybe that will help.





The other thing that might help, it certainly helped my sister, is for both of you to assure them that while you're not living in the same house any more, they will get to see each of you whenever they want. The divorce is suddenly going to rip their tidy simple world apart so they won't be able to run from one to the other when they have a problem but perhaps if they understand that you're both going to still be accessible and that you both do still care for them that might mitigate this fear too.





I hope that helps a little. Good Luck!