How do I cope with a husband who compulsively lies and is unfaithful?

My husband lies about EVERYTHING. And probably has all his life. He has been unfaithful since before we got married. I KICK myself for marrying him, but I really thought I was making a good choice when I did. I have confronted him so many times, found tons of evidence and EVERY TIME, he comes up with the most FANTASTIC lies, stories, oh and then he becomes angry, defensive, shifts blame, goes into a rage, and launches a full scale effort to get me to say...';ok, honey, I believe you';. I do it because I struggle with low self esteem, fear of abandonment, and a desire to pray my marriage through (there are children involved and I was married before). I beat myself up for being so stupid and allowing him to lie and cheat and just take it. But each time I tried to get strong and confront the situation, it was hell for me and our kids...WHAT SHOULD I DO???How do I cope with a husband who compulsively lies and is unfaithful?
First of all know this is not an issue with you as to why he cheats. He also has low self esteem and needs to control someone since he has no control over himself. The first thing you need to do is to get yourself into coulseling. i can not even begin to explain to you how much this will help you. then after a few months of that, try to find an activity that brings YOU pleasure. Something preferably OUT of the house WITHOUT him. He is showing you that he is selfish and doesn not love you ENOUGH to be faithful. His rage is vented towards you as when it should be towards him. The thing is you are not bieng fair to yourself or him by lying to you and him . YOU don't believe him and you KNOW he is doing wrong. He will continue to do it as long as you allow him. He knows youa re at a weak moment and is using it against you. I am not sure why you have low self esteem,but do whatever you can to fix it...Perhaps even walking for fresh air 60 minutes a day. Changing your diet to healthy gfoods also helps you feel better. take back control of oyur life so one day your kids are not their father or in your situation. I KNOW it is hard...trust me....but the we only have one life and when you get to those heavenly gates do you want to look back over you life with these regrest os a lifetime of sadness%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;???you deserve better. you can e-mail me if u need to talkHow do I cope with a husband who compulsively lies and is unfaithful?
divorce him. the chances of him cheating on you are high. divorce him and don't worry lots of people do that kinda stuff, get married and divorce. he isn't the right one for you hun. if he throws a tantrum after you tell him this then go to the police WITH your kids!
Instead of think how to deal with him, you better think how to help you and rise your self esteem, if you fix that I'm sure you'll have the right answer.
Can you spell LORENA BOBBITT? Sorry, but if you're stupid enough to put up with his petpetual sh**it, you're getting what you deserve!
I think you both need to get into couseling. You cannot base a marriage on lies and intimidation. If he refuses, you should at least go by yourself for your self-esteem and abandonment issues. Infidelity is a valid basis for divorse and you should not view it as a failure on your part.
he must have seen the sign on your forehead when he proposed: ';SUCKER';.





Why don't you do something for your low esteem and get the frig out of the marriage ASAP. No more excuses - just do it!!
well iw ould quit worring about his problems of lieing and worry about your problems of low self esteem and fear of abandoment ... find out what your personal goals are!!! you already know how he acts so ignore it and do what you have to do to passify time once you get yourself in order you'll know what to do!


Good luck!


continue to be a great mom and look out for their lifestyle too!


Mad luv


Coping.org may help!
I'm sorry, honey I really feel for you, and am very sorry for what you will have to do! just like everyone else has said, do it. really- you didn't call on us to get the answer, you want reaffermation! Get into group therapy! You need positive reinforcement at this time, to help you see clearly of what you are about to do. Now is not the time to pick up a new hobby like smoking/drinking... think of your own happiness and the happiness and well-being of your children. Courage will be hard to find on those lonely nights- but he wasn't really there anyways was he? you have been doing it alone for a long time haven't you? Just remove the worry and heartache- and start over new! Don't hang out with anyone that will drag you back into the cess pit you are currently in! God Bless you!
You know wht do do, you need to leave. And if you are afraid for your safety, get a restraining order. It doesn't sound like it's going to get better so get out now before something happens that causes harm to you or your children.
I wonder if your husband is a polygamist (sp?) and he is married to me too! I feel your pain! Hang in there! When the time is right, you will start taking your happiness back...and he has to live with himself, even if he doesn't have a conscious now...trust me...the tables always turn!
hello my friend, fear means -';false evidence appearing real'; you really need to ask yourself if being with this man who has made you miserable all these years worth it? also your children are growing up thinking this type of behavior is normal, if you have a girl, she might grow up thinking this is the way her husband should treat her. children or no children, if he does not want to change, and has not in all this time, then you have to change your life, sometimes we try to hold onto what god wants apart. if you have any family who can help you, i think that is the wisest way to go. sometimes you have to leave something in you life that is holding you back so you can go forward in life. god bless.
either leave or admit that what you love about him is his talent for keeping you hounddoggin. secretly , maybe , you actually prefer women and just need some idiot on your life to blame things on and to make you look like the better person.
DUH you knew what you were getting into before you married him. pick you and you kids up and get out.
cut is dick off then nobody will want him, and get in counseling
Imagine a house built on sand...





It's not possible to cope with such husband. Better drop him.





It's never too late to try something better.





Take care.
I would seriously recommend counseling for him and later the two of you. He has a serious problem and you need to weigh your status with him
Oh sweetie!! Forget fear of abandonment, and abandon him!!! You don't need it and you deserve better!!! I know though, low self esteem sucks, but he's only going to drag you down further.
You don't and can't. It'll only bring you more misery and he could wind up dumping you anyway.





For the sake of the kids and your own future I highly suggest you remove yourself from that marriage and put it behind you. You're not teaching your children to make good choices by staying and being abused. Yes, what he is doing IS abuse. Is that what you want for your own children or do you want them to be strong, self-sufficient, trusting and good decision makers?





I feel for you but leaving and going through the pain is your only choice.
leave him
In that situation you don't try to cope, you get out of the marriage as soon as possible. Obviously he has no respect for you as his wife. If he can't appreciate you then you have no reason being in a marriage with him.
The question isn't ';how do you cope'; but why do you think you have to????


I'm sorry but your little self-centered issues aren't important, so get over your fear of abandonment, TAKE CARE of your kids and get out. You made a really poor choice in men and your kids are the ones paying the price for this. Stop worrying about beating yourself up (very self-indulgent) and start making plans to move out and give your kids a calm, stable, healthy home. Your husband sounds like he has narcissistic personality disorder and you can't change him.
u wanna know what i did?





check my questions and read the one about ';attempted vehicular homicide.';





best decision i ever made. now i live alone and i love it!
Ok.... I didn't even have to read the rest.


Question: How do I cope with a husband who compulsively lies and is unfaithful?


Answer: Get rid of him. I know its easier said then done, I've been though it. But if there is no trust ( witch I'm assuming there isn't because he constantly lies) there cant be any ';us.'; And no way do you want to be with someone who is unfaithful.


Kick him to the curb!!!!!


OK. I read the details and I want you to know it sounds exactly like my story. But leaving is the best thing for you AND the kids. Trust me, you and him together is not healthy for your family. If not for you, leave for the kids.


Best for luck and you can email me any time.
First of all; if he lies to you, cheats on you, and only makes you feel like dirt, The best case scenario would be to give him an ultimatum, (Either he sees a marriage councilor or you're out the door!) You or no-one else deserves this type of abuse! As far as there being children involved, believe me when I say they are feeling his abuse too! If you knew what he was like when you married him, My question to you is,WHY? Did you think you could change him possibly? (That never works!) A person can only change on their own and be wanting to do it for themselves! If it were me in your situation, (Which at one point I was) I'd not give it a second thought, I'd be gone and out the door with my children this very moment, get my head clear by seeing a councilor and once and for all get my life back on track! You CAN do it! Don't let him or anyone for that matter to destroy your dignity! Life's too precious! Good Luck and hang in there!
Its clear that he is not going to change in the near future, especially since he is not even admitting to doing anything wrong.


It is totally up to you...its a lot easier to make a choice than it seems.


You realize that he has a problem, you understand it, and you don't want to deal with this anymore.


Tell him that you know this, ask him in a very straight forward manner (without threatening, or being judgmental) whether or not he KNOWS that he WILL change...and trust me, this does not require time, if he is in the right state of mind to turn this around.


If he isn't, then you can either stay and continue to be miserable, or leave and return to a saner mind and heart.


You are beating yourself up, and he is the one hurting you! He has already abandoned you so many times, and you still fear it? Once you hear his answer, yes or no, don't let him continue, don't even tell him your plans just make a decision, stick by it and follow it through.
Nothing till u get fed up and smartin up and Move on u can't continue to play the FOOL
You know the answer, just wont admit it.


Get a very good attorney, and serve him.
STOP procrastinating and holding onto something that is NOT there. Divorce this loser before he brings home an STD you can not get rid of. You and your kids deserve better. Seek therapy to help with your other issues, but get rid of this loser before you pay for it with your life.
In life we all make choices. People always show you who they are long before we get in a relationship with them. But for whatever reason we choose to ignore all the signals. The signs are all there (caution, stop, he or she is crazy) but we are blinded by what we think is LOVE. So you say you knew your husband was incapable of being faithful long before you got married. That was all the sign you needed. So you should really be doing more than kicking yourself. Anyway what you need to be asking yourself is do you love him and even though he cheats on you can you see your life with out him. You are the only one that has the power to change your situation. If your unhappy in your marriage than leave him. You can not be the best mother possible if your unhappy. I'm sure you children would be much happier with a happy mom. Well I wish you nothing but the best good luck!!
Take the kids and leave..............
KICK HIS UNFAITHFULL/LYING BUTT OUT THE DOOR. YOU PROBABLY DESERVE BETTER THAN HIM, SO DIVORCE HIM!!! THINK ABOUT YOUR KIDS, THEY'LL SEE WHAT HE DOES AND THINK IT'S OKAY FOR THEM TO CHEAT OR LIE TO THEIR SPOUSE. HOPE YOU FIND A SOLUTION SOON. GOOD LUCK.