How to cope with separation from husband?

My husband left my 4 month old daughter and I about 3 weeks ago. He was (is?) cheating on me with his ex girlfriend but won't admit to it. He left me to meet this girl when my daughter was 8 weeks old, and flew this girl across the country and took her to a hotel in another city, even renting a car ( we own 3). I have come to realize that he'd contacted this girl 2 years ago after we'd just had a full term stillbirth. He does admit to being ';friends'; with her, but lies to me about the weekend he went away (says he was with guys from work). We have been arguing about this for going on 3 months now. Right after my daughter was born I could feel him pulling away from me, and it's been months now since I've felt any love from him. His mother came to stay with us for a month and she was very upset to see the way he was treating me, and sad that he's not being a good father. I had many private conversations with her, and she was trying to talk to him many times about how he should be treating us. In the past we have had fights to where he has hit me, and I've always felt that he is emotionally abusive to me, though he has also been very good to me, giving me a good life and whatever I've asked for. In all the stress of arguing about this, we had a fight one night while his mother was here and he chased me up the stairs yelling at me while I was carrying our baby. I felt very scared in the moment and locked myself in the bedroom and called the police to come. I've never done this before though I've had legitimate opportunities. When the police came I asked them to talk to him to cool him off because this fighting in front of the baby has to stop. After the police left I spoke to his mother and she understood why I'd done it and had no bad feelings toward me. My husband and I talked and I thought we were on the way back to repairing our marriage. Then 2 weeks after she left he decided to move out saying that he doesn't feel comfortable here anymore, and that I might hurt myself just to have him arrested. Okay I realize that what I did wasn't my proudest moment but I would never have him arrested on purpose and it wasn't my intention that night. I have apologized to him, his mother, and we have been to one marriage counseling session. He has been paying the bills and comes to visit the baby at night, even spending the weekend here. But when I try to talk with him or tell him I love him he pulls away, and he tells me that he won't move back. He says that he wants to go to couselling still and try to make things work, but then says that he thinks the counsellor will tell us that it can't be worked out. I'm confused, I love him very much, we have been together 7 years and after losing one baby I can't figure out why he's doing all this now that our daughter is here. He says that I am being pushy, but after months of no love I feel really starved. My family is all on the other side of the country and I don't really have any good friends to help. How do I cope with this seperation, and are these problems that can be resolved? I don't feel that there is any future for him with this other girl as his mother has already told him she won't speak to him any more if he is having a relationship with her. He has always been a family man, until recently. Do I just wait it out until he decides to come home? What do I do to win him back? How long do people stay seperate before they decide not to come back?How to cope with separation from husband?
Maybe he just feels trap I think you should give him some time and try to be cool and don't smother him act like you don't care don't let him touch you or stay over if hes going over to see your baby it should just be that make him want you and regret what he has done to you I know some one close to me that went through the same thing and she started dressing sexy and doing her thing and that just drove him crazy not being able to be with her so try it and see what happensHow to cope with separation from husband?
Please don't try to win him back - he isn't worth it. You are much better off without him. Pack up your things and go home to your family. (Or ask them to come to you.) You need support right now from loved ones. I am so sorry you are going through this.
Please do not chase him anytime more. try all your best to look after your daughter firstly.good luck to you
well it sounds like its time to move on try to save some extra cash and move really far and get a good job and try to move on. good time to finish a old life and begin a knew one.
You sound like a sweet person who has been deeply hurt. I truly am saddened by what I just read and my heart goes out to you. You need to give him up. He's made his mind up.. You and your child need to be on your own. Don't be scared though. It may open your eyes to things you never thought about before. The right person will come along and sweep you off your feet when you least expect it. I know you probably can't see that now, but this kind of stuff takes time. My ex before my husband hurt me deeply, and when I met my husband I was not looking for a relationship at all. So I am proof these things happen. He will be the one who realizes he screwed up, and when he tries to when you back...kick him in the balls and tell him its for all the misery he put you through and you are better off without him. You'll see.
pray
it really sucks that now is the time to leave you just after having a baby but if you let him come back or want him to come back then he knows you need him and he will probly continue to cheat on you. its hard but i think your best bet is to move back home with family and start a new life there. ...if he is that uncomfortable just talking to you about your relationship do you really think he will move back and be happy and not cheat anymore? you now have a baby to care for so you cant be fighting with him and getting physical infront of the baby.. hope everything works out for you in the end! good luck
Wow...I would say that you should try to win him back, but he said it himself that its not going to work out...sad to say but i don't think he wants the relationship with you anylonger...but then again he could be going through a midlife crisis BUT- --- with him being abusive i don't think that you should just forget about him, get child suport and find someone that can treat you better...there are so many ways to go about this if he were a nice guy but you should take the time that he's gone to really think things out... i think that you should move out... if he's paying for everything he still has some kind of power over you, and your love for him is a power he has over you aswell, therefore for you to really think clearly get away from him
Go with your gut instinct on this one. Its almost always right.
Hi,


I think he is maybe overwhelmed with his responsibilities right now. Experience tells me to give him time to figure it out. Experience also tells me when he makes his decision, u wont feel the same towards him anymore. It is hard work to keep a marriage together in these times and one person cannot do it alone. Bide your time and u will know what to do. Good Luck!
This man is a threat to you, your child and your future if you try to stay with him. Let this abuser and violent tempered man go and just wish him luck with his new girlfriend. In front of his own mother he chases you up the stairs and you're compelled to call the police. Now you say you apologized to him and his mother? WHY. You owed no one an apology because you did nothing wrong. It sounds to me like this physically abusive man also has been verbally and mentally abusive to you and you no long have much self worth left. I will pray that you find the courage to realize that your life and the life of your child will be happier and better off without this creature in it.
Oh honey, listen to your heart. He won't come back. He has found someone new. It's in their nature.
I am really sorry that you are having to go through this.





I think that this man probably does love you. But he loves the life of a single man. Being with you, having a new baby, going through a couple of pregnancies, a stillbirth, is just too much reality for him. He can be with his girlfriend, fly across the country and just have fun. Their relationship is free from the hum drum and stress of everyday life.





For your mental health, you are going to have to decide that you are not going to tolerate this behavior. I think that you can salvage your marriage, if you both want to work through your problems, if you are able to fully forgive him and he is willing to cut all ties with this woman and get counseling. If these things are not possible, you need to cut your losses and move on. By moving on, move back with your family. Ask them to come and get you and the baby and your belongings and leave.





You need to consult with an attorney to see what reprecussions you'll suffer from moving your child from the state. Some states prohibit a parent from removing the child from its home state without a court order.





Good luck. Stay strong.
My heart goes out to you....you sound very sad and confused. It must be hard to love someone who doesn't love you back. You need to seek counseling privately and start planning your life without him. At the moment he doesn't seem to be right for you and your daughter. He's physically and emotionally abusing you....and I am sure that you do not want your daughter to grow up thinking this is how a man is supposed to treat a woman. You DESERVE RESPECT and LOVE! Maybe you should pack up the baby and go spend sometime with your family and sort things out. Stop chasing after him, act indifferent to him, tell him you need space and time to work things out. Space sometimes helps....and then maybe you can resume your marriage. Because he definitely sounds like he's confused, seeing another woman...leaving you and that precious baby? You don't need this! I wish you well....and hope you realize you deserve better!