I am bi and discovered that while I was in a relationship with my current b/f.Im positive Im going to be with this guy for a WHILE if not forever but Im alittle disapointed that Ill pretty much never get to see what a relationship is like with another girl (and/or pursue n e thing with one). I would never cheat on my bf like that. Basically, I need advice on how to cope with this...maybe alittle advice to make me feel better about it. Remember, I do know that I am going to be with him for an EXTREMELY long time.How to cope?
stop letting the evil curiosities of your mind mess up something good with your man. no, you do not need to know what life is life with a woman, be hetero like god intended and do not feed into evil.How to cope?
Wow, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I do not doubt at all that you're bi, but do you think your panic about it might indicate a fear of commitment to this relationship? First, realize that if this man is really all you want and need at this point, it doesn't matter that you may never be with a woman. If this doesn't console you, I would just honestly talk to my boyfriend about it. As another girl said, he loves you, he cares about you, it's important for a good relationship to communicate about everything. Maybe you need a little time on your own (I don't mean you need to break it off, just take a break) to explore before you make a huge commitment? Just talk to him about it. I wish you the very best and I wish I had an easy solution.
It is important to understand that having an OPEN (non monogamous) relationship with your boyfriend, does not mean you are cheating. If you talk to him about your desires to possibly explore a relationship with a woman and maintain a relationship with him, there is no cheating, it is just consenting adults. It is called polyamory and there is nothing wrong with it, as long as you are honest with all parties involved.
this is actually something that EVERYONE in a relationship is going to have to deal with at sometime or another-irregardless of sexual orientation. the whole situation of being with one person, and yet seeing someone else that you want and are tempted to be with is universal.
since you care for this guy, then be with him. understand who he is, and what he means to you. ask him to understand you and what you're feeling. he may be cool with it, he might not be cool with it. you got to make sure that he knows that you're quite happy with him, got to make sure he's confident in the bonds you have together.
he may ask you to do a 3 way with him and another girl, and here's where it gets tricky because if you're still a novice to your bisexuality, you'll end up more confused than anything else. a 3 way is an easy way to introduce him to your bisexuality, but you have to be a strong person in a strong relationship in order to do one. many relationships have ended due to a 3 way, because feelings can get hurt easily, and if someone is jealous-it's a sure relationship killer.
good luck to you, and i hope i've been a help.
Is that what being Bi is?
I went through a patch of being with one and wanting the other...then I realised I was just being plain selfish - what I wanted was more important than the person I was with.
I know that there's curiosity and questions - especially if you've never had the experience. Just because you can fancy people of either sex though, shouldn't mean that you can't devote yourself to one person in a loving relationship.
A straight couple have to work at theirs, even though there is lots of temptation to stray - the only difference for Bi's is that they have a marginally larger group from which to be tempted.
Down the line when you and your boyfriend (husband) are settled with each other - there may be an opportunity for you to get what you'd like and for him to watch or participate. That is something the pair of you would need to discuss and you'd BOTH have to be extremely comfortable with the idea of bringing a third person into your bedroom.
Otherwise, I'd say get over it and concentrate your efforts on the one you love.
Best Wishes
well i think u should just tell him about it. if u r going to be together for such a long time as u say u r this must mean he loves u right? if he does he'll understand and know just what to say because he loves u. im sure he'll think about what would make him happy, make you happy and solve ur problem as well..
Be honest with him about how you feel.....perhaps even let him read your question on here and the answers to it. Never allow yourself to be in any relationship in which you can't be who you are. It is difficult enough to maintain a good relationship being yourself and almost impossible to maintain if the honesty isn't there.
Not knowing your partner it is difficult to predict his reaction to this revelation but I will say this about most men.......
We, if approached properly, really have no problems with having a bi partner. If the relationship you seek is with another bi female, we usually have no problems with that because we do not feel threatened by them to any great degree.
If, however, your desire is to have a relationship with a strictly gay female we pretty much would view them as a threat to losing you, just as we would another man. I personally have no objection to being with a bi female and enjoy doing so. It opens windows to our relationship that would otherwise be closed to me, whether as a spectator, or as a participant.
tell him the truth, if he loves you, he'll understand and should be there to help you cope with it.
who are you trying to kid? Us or yourself? Your not ready to be in a committed relationship. End it before you hurt him.
I'm Bi and i'm worried what dad might say
I'd say tell him, and maybe you two could explore that together a little. I'm not talking polyamory (unless that's your thing), but you sound pretty happy with a committed monogamous relationship. I just mean like...go to the mall and check out girls together or something. The other side is, if you found the one person you want to be with (which, in all fairness, is presumptuous of me), it shouldn't matter too much, right? Like, you don't have to keep closeted, but you can just say ';yep, that's there, and I don't really need it anymore';.
I am in the same boat! I am already married. I have been for 5 years to a man. I love women and like being with them more sexually. How I have dealt with this is I do go on adventures with other women. Don't get me wrong I do love my husband, but I have to fulfill my needs to. I stay in the closet about the whole thing. I have just learned to separate the two. I look at being with a woman not cheating, just being a girl!
Friday, August 20, 2010
How do I cope with a mother like this?
My mother has been cheating on my father for years now. With different man. But since she met this guy she seeing now, it been only him. He shouts at my father, demands money from me and my dad to support her boyfriend. He even brings him over at my dads house, on my dad's absence. I know about this, and I've known it since it started. Even my aunts, my dad's sisters knows about my mum and her cheating. The thing is they all scared of her.
My father is sick of stress, he knows that my mom is cheating but he doesn't know with whom. Cause he caught her a lot of times before. I'm so hurting cause I hate seeing my father drowning like this. all he does is drink, coz my mother hardly sleeps at home, when she's there she sleeps with my sister.
Even my brother knows, the only person she respects is my married sister. I don't know what to do cause everyone is scared of confronting her. I want to tell her to leave us so that she cuk be wth the man she love, but m scared of her.How do I cope with a mother like this?
wow your mom is a bit*h just tell her how you feel............................How do I cope with a mother like this?
The best way for this to happen is for the family to come together and let your mother know that they know she's unhappy with her marriage with your father. Let her know that everybody will be happy if she just divorced your father and be with the man she's happiest with.
Her chronic cheating and her disrespect for her marriage to your father should indicate that divorce is the solution.
If group confrontation doesn't work, confide in your married sister and let her communicate these sentiments to your mother.
get a hidden camera show to bust her, and broadcast it on MTV.
or your whole family can confront her about it, and if she touches anybody then you press charges on her cheating bit*** as*
Listen she is your mother and you have the right to stand up to her. I have always been the only one who could stand up to my mother and tell her exactly what I think of her. Don't be afraid she needs to hear that she is ruining ya'll and that she just needs to leave so that everyone will be happy. She should find a boyfriend that can support her and quit using your dad for financial stability.. Do whats right for your family don't be scared. Shes worthless in my book. She may always be your mother but, if she doesn't respect you all enough to contain herself then why contain your self??? Let her have it!!
Don't be scared, what the worst she could do? Tell her that its obvious shes not in love with your father anymore and that its better to just end the marriage and then you can be free to see whoever you want without sending your father further down the drain.
Tell her the whole family knows and that neither you or anyone else has respect for her so what does she have to wait around for? How dare she ask for money to support her adulterous lifestyle, tell her that she had the affairs so its her problem to deal with!
When you say 'over to my dads house' i take it your mother and father live in seperate houses? If so, change the locks so she cant bring him round, let her know shes not wanted, get your brother and your famil to back you up, all of you need to target her on her own so the boyfriend is not there.
Maybe your dad should also file for divoce to also make it clear where his heart lies. Its no good carrying it on, you should let your father be at rest and free to start a new life and encourage him to meet someone nice when hes settled. Also find help to stop his drinking.blond hair celebrity hair
My father is sick of stress, he knows that my mom is cheating but he doesn't know with whom. Cause he caught her a lot of times before. I'm so hurting cause I hate seeing my father drowning like this. all he does is drink, coz my mother hardly sleeps at home, when she's there she sleeps with my sister.
Even my brother knows, the only person she respects is my married sister. I don't know what to do cause everyone is scared of confronting her. I want to tell her to leave us so that she cuk be wth the man she love, but m scared of her.How do I cope with a mother like this?
wow your mom is a bit*h just tell her how you feel............................How do I cope with a mother like this?
The best way for this to happen is for the family to come together and let your mother know that they know she's unhappy with her marriage with your father. Let her know that everybody will be happy if she just divorced your father and be with the man she's happiest with.
Her chronic cheating and her disrespect for her marriage to your father should indicate that divorce is the solution.
If group confrontation doesn't work, confide in your married sister and let her communicate these sentiments to your mother.
get a hidden camera show to bust her, and broadcast it on MTV.
or your whole family can confront her about it, and if she touches anybody then you press charges on her cheating bit*** as*
Listen she is your mother and you have the right to stand up to her. I have always been the only one who could stand up to my mother and tell her exactly what I think of her. Don't be afraid she needs to hear that she is ruining ya'll and that she just needs to leave so that everyone will be happy. She should find a boyfriend that can support her and quit using your dad for financial stability.. Do whats right for your family don't be scared. Shes worthless in my book. She may always be your mother but, if she doesn't respect you all enough to contain herself then why contain your self??? Let her have it!!
Don't be scared, what the worst she could do? Tell her that its obvious shes not in love with your father anymore and that its better to just end the marriage and then you can be free to see whoever you want without sending your father further down the drain.
Tell her the whole family knows and that neither you or anyone else has respect for her so what does she have to wait around for? How dare she ask for money to support her adulterous lifestyle, tell her that she had the affairs so its her problem to deal with!
When you say 'over to my dads house' i take it your mother and father live in seperate houses? If so, change the locks so she cant bring him round, let her know shes not wanted, get your brother and your famil to back you up, all of you need to target her on her own so the boyfriend is not there.
Maybe your dad should also file for divoce to also make it clear where his heart lies. Its no good carrying it on, you should let your father be at rest and free to start a new life and encourage him to meet someone nice when hes settled. Also find help to stop his drinking.
How do I cope w. a situation where I still love my girl so much who cheated but I don't want her anymore?
I am sort of caught between the devil and deep blue sea because here I am still so in love with my girlfriend of about 4 years but had cheated on me yet I do not want to be a part of her anymore. I just want to move on. How do I cope with this inner struggle without having to have any kind of new relationship with anyone yet? Matter of fact, I now prefer to be alone but the loneliness is so immense yet I am loathed to get back to my her.How do I cope w. a situation where I still love my girl so much who cheated but I don't want her anymore?
Yes, it is best to be alone for 6 months exept to go to support groups and activities without the idea of getting into a relationship...
I let go of my ex wife after 19 years once I discovered she was sleeping around. There was no compromise in this for MANY reasons,m including STDs, AIDS, etc..and I've never regretted it one bit.
--------------------------------
I am sorry you are apparently suffering Letting go is so hard.
I can honestly say that many partners are crumbs. They play games like crazy, lie, cheat, two-time, don鈥檛 keep their word, See others on the side, etc. Some never change. As they mature, some finally realize people are dying in their families, their relationships haven't worked, they get sick of the bars, and the people they used to pick up think they are A. holes.
Some even make amends to those they had hurt, or else, do some kind of service to feel that they are not just takers. Many then start to consider marriage, if for no other reason than they see themselves developing gray and wrinkles, getting fired, feeling unsatisfied at work, etc.
Here's the thing: too soon. People are often selfish, arrogant, and delusional....both sexes, unfortunately.
To be brief, you MUST develop yourself to the fullest, define what makes you tick and passionate, and you must become extremely successful in your career. It is only when your career is in full swing and you are really making a greater success of yourself that the right people show up. Bars bring on alcoholic irresponsible jerks. Clubs too. A great dancer and the right lines do not mean love and successful marriages. Do not mix up great sex with love either. They are two distinct and separate entities. Sex is to reproduce the species only. It is not love. Love is something else. Sex can improve with real love and intimacy. If you are in lust, it is not love. If someone is bad to you, you do not want sex with them unless you are delusional and are using them too, or if you mistakenly think that a great orgasm will make them stay or change. If you find yourself thinking about a particular partner 100 percent of the time or close to it, hthey aren't good for you. You will lose yourself. If you are a giver you lust, then learn to be less available and more equality demanding. You have the right to be treated well and decently. That does not mean lavishly. It means honestly with respect. And it goes both ways.
If you are the type who takes crap from a partner, stop taking crap early on, and you will avoid lots of pain.
I think your choices are not good, that's all.
Do you go for glitz and the great dressers? Stop. Are you a caretaker type who rescues? Stop that now. If you are a perfectionist who emotionally picks on a partner, stop it now. If you always criticize a partner for small things and they leave you, stop it now. I know no specifics about your situation, but do know it takes two to tango.
Forget the multitude of books. They will mostly confuse you except the short Robert Johnson trio of books: He...She...and We. They are short!.
I have learned about boundaries. I have the feeling you know nothing about them. This is great to learn. There is a great book on the subject called Boundaries. It is a thick non-religious book on the subject, a soft cover, Ph DO written. Don't Say Yes When You Want to Say No is another great book.
I personally have done numerous workshops, read lots of self help books, been in therapy, etc. I have done The Forum, a great three day expericne offered by Landmark Education Corp. I think therapy was the biggest waste of time. Reading great books is therapy, because we learn about our own weaknesses and learn self improvement. I have learned it is not what we do but rather, who we do it with. Stay away from destructive people, and that might sometimes mean family
You must eventually find an evolved partner, one who can set boundaries with family members and even can speak honestly of shortcomings and working on them. Also remember: Never believe what people say: Only judge people on their actions and deeds. If a partner says they loves you and cheats, they do not love you. If a partner never says they loves you but treats you well, they loves you. It is all about actions. YOU want a partner who can walk equally with you, one who asks for advice, one who doesn't bottle up anger, and that goes both ways. Also, if you are selfish, cut that out. Make something of yourself to get your own cash.
Also remember: no one is perfect.
Best of luck!
Have a fast connection and want more features? Try the full version to How do I cope w. a situation where I still love my girl so much who cheated but I don't want her anymore?
I know it is hard to get past a cheating situation. Try to be alone rather than getting back together because you cant handle it. This is a good time to get to know yourself. Hang out with friends, join a church group, or some activity group. Just remember that once a cheater, always a cheater. When you feel yourself wanting to go back, picture her cheating on you, that should turn you away. Good luck and remember, there is that one out there for you somewhere, you just need to hand in there.
Several things. You can get an hour of counseling to work this out... bottom line here sweetie, is you don't love her... you love what you THOUGHT she was and what your IMAGE of her was, and how YOU percieved her... and guess what? They aren't the same person.
And try the internet for appropriate people... Yahoo Personals, Match.com, e-Harmony. Let the computer do some of the tuff stuff.
Maybe some time apart for a few months will heal some wounds.
It will help you think about what you are able and unable to do.
Perhaps you will find that you can mend it, and then again maybe not, that's what time apart does, it allows you to put your feet on the ground emotionally and figure out what you really want.
Best Wishes.
FOUR years, of course you love her!!!
But you obviously aren't in love wit her after what she did to you.
Just cutting all ties would be best!! It's going to be lonely, but you will get used to it.
Sorry for your loss, four years is a long long time.
Try a new hobby. Go out and hang out with the boys. Being active will get your mind off of her and the hurt you feel. Being lonely and thinking about the situation won't help you move on.
If you get back with her, can you just forgive her and move on? If not, a relationship full of resentment and bringing up the past will not last.
first stop talking to her.
then try to stop thinking about her
and then block out all of your memories with her
and move on
It sounds like you know what you have to do, but I've been there and the loneliness does stink. Get with some friends, or give one a call. Be strong, If she's done it once; she'll probably do it again. Don't jump into a false feeling relationship, because then you'll hurt that person and you don't want to do that. Unfortunately it's gonna be lonely but that's how your heart mends and makes you stronger, my opinion. It will get better, just make sure you keep your friends close and get out of the house, go for a walk, do something for yourself, get a dog, or cat, or some kind of pet, if you can. If I didn't have my baby girl; I don't know how I could have got through it on my own. I hope this helps, I wish you all the luck. Stay strong, you don't deserve to be cheating on and there's so many good girls out there but it's not far to you or her if you jump into a relationship if your not ready.
Yes, it is best to be alone for 6 months exept to go to support groups and activities without the idea of getting into a relationship...
I let go of my ex wife after 19 years once I discovered she was sleeping around. There was no compromise in this for MANY reasons,m including STDs, AIDS, etc..and I've never regretted it one bit.
--------------------------------
I am sorry you are apparently suffering Letting go is so hard.
I can honestly say that many partners are crumbs. They play games like crazy, lie, cheat, two-time, don鈥檛 keep their word, See others on the side, etc. Some never change. As they mature, some finally realize people are dying in their families, their relationships haven't worked, they get sick of the bars, and the people they used to pick up think they are A. holes.
Some even make amends to those they had hurt, or else, do some kind of service to feel that they are not just takers. Many then start to consider marriage, if for no other reason than they see themselves developing gray and wrinkles, getting fired, feeling unsatisfied at work, etc.
Here's the thing: too soon. People are often selfish, arrogant, and delusional....both sexes, unfortunately.
To be brief, you MUST develop yourself to the fullest, define what makes you tick and passionate, and you must become extremely successful in your career. It is only when your career is in full swing and you are really making a greater success of yourself that the right people show up. Bars bring on alcoholic irresponsible jerks. Clubs too. A great dancer and the right lines do not mean love and successful marriages. Do not mix up great sex with love either. They are two distinct and separate entities. Sex is to reproduce the species only. It is not love. Love is something else. Sex can improve with real love and intimacy. If you are in lust, it is not love. If someone is bad to you, you do not want sex with them unless you are delusional and are using them too, or if you mistakenly think that a great orgasm will make them stay or change. If you find yourself thinking about a particular partner 100 percent of the time or close to it, hthey aren't good for you. You will lose yourself. If you are a giver you lust, then learn to be less available and more equality demanding. You have the right to be treated well and decently. That does not mean lavishly. It means honestly with respect. And it goes both ways.
If you are the type who takes crap from a partner, stop taking crap early on, and you will avoid lots of pain.
I think your choices are not good, that's all.
Do you go for glitz and the great dressers? Stop. Are you a caretaker type who rescues? Stop that now. If you are a perfectionist who emotionally picks on a partner, stop it now. If you always criticize a partner for small things and they leave you, stop it now. I know no specifics about your situation, but do know it takes two to tango.
Forget the multitude of books. They will mostly confuse you except the short Robert Johnson trio of books: He...She...and We. They are short!.
I have learned about boundaries. I have the feeling you know nothing about them. This is great to learn. There is a great book on the subject called Boundaries. It is a thick non-religious book on the subject, a soft cover, Ph DO written. Don't Say Yes When You Want to Say No is another great book.
I personally have done numerous workshops, read lots of self help books, been in therapy, etc. I have done The Forum, a great three day expericne offered by Landmark Education Corp. I think therapy was the biggest waste of time. Reading great books is therapy, because we learn about our own weaknesses and learn self improvement. I have learned it is not what we do but rather, who we do it with. Stay away from destructive people, and that might sometimes mean family
You must eventually find an evolved partner, one who can set boundaries with family members and even can speak honestly of shortcomings and working on them. Also remember: Never believe what people say: Only judge people on their actions and deeds. If a partner says they loves you and cheats, they do not love you. If a partner never says they loves you but treats you well, they loves you. It is all about actions. YOU want a partner who can walk equally with you, one who asks for advice, one who doesn't bottle up anger, and that goes both ways. Also, if you are selfish, cut that out. Make something of yourself to get your own cash.
Also remember: no one is perfect.
Best of luck!
Have a fast connection and want more features? Try the full version to How do I cope w. a situation where I still love my girl so much who cheated but I don't want her anymore?
I know it is hard to get past a cheating situation. Try to be alone rather than getting back together because you cant handle it. This is a good time to get to know yourself. Hang out with friends, join a church group, or some activity group. Just remember that once a cheater, always a cheater. When you feel yourself wanting to go back, picture her cheating on you, that should turn you away. Good luck and remember, there is that one out there for you somewhere, you just need to hand in there.
Several things. You can get an hour of counseling to work this out... bottom line here sweetie, is you don't love her... you love what you THOUGHT she was and what your IMAGE of her was, and how YOU percieved her... and guess what? They aren't the same person.
And try the internet for appropriate people... Yahoo Personals, Match.com, e-Harmony. Let the computer do some of the tuff stuff.
Maybe some time apart for a few months will heal some wounds.
It will help you think about what you are able and unable to do.
Perhaps you will find that you can mend it, and then again maybe not, that's what time apart does, it allows you to put your feet on the ground emotionally and figure out what you really want.
Best Wishes.
FOUR years, of course you love her!!!
But you obviously aren't in love wit her after what she did to you.
Just cutting all ties would be best!! It's going to be lonely, but you will get used to it.
Sorry for your loss, four years is a long long time.
Try a new hobby. Go out and hang out with the boys. Being active will get your mind off of her and the hurt you feel. Being lonely and thinking about the situation won't help you move on.
If you get back with her, can you just forgive her and move on? If not, a relationship full of resentment and bringing up the past will not last.
first stop talking to her.
then try to stop thinking about her
and then block out all of your memories with her
and move on
It sounds like you know what you have to do, but I've been there and the loneliness does stink. Get with some friends, or give one a call. Be strong, If she's done it once; she'll probably do it again. Don't jump into a false feeling relationship, because then you'll hurt that person and you don't want to do that. Unfortunately it's gonna be lonely but that's how your heart mends and makes you stronger, my opinion. It will get better, just make sure you keep your friends close and get out of the house, go for a walk, do something for yourself, get a dog, or cat, or some kind of pet, if you can. If I didn't have my baby girl; I don't know how I could have got through it on my own. I hope this helps, I wish you all the luck. Stay strong, you don't deserve to be cheating on and there's so many good girls out there but it's not far to you or her if you jump into a relationship if your not ready.
I have been with my fiance for 6 years , last year i found out he have been cheating on me for the past 3 year
I told him that it's over when i found out, he cried and told me he's sorry and it's over but he even went as far as to so call break it off but i found out recently that he is still messing around i dont want to be in this relationship the question is how do i cope with this deception?I have been with my fiance for 6 years , last year i found out he have been cheating on me for the past 3 year
well, understand and accept that it will hurt for a while. Now don't try to make the pain easier just accept it and deal with it. don't have a relationship to soon before your emotionally ready. Dint get drunk for another 6 months most of the time when we break up we go out to drink and it ends up being a bad thing. The last advice is to not be afraid to get another relationship it will take time but there is no need to fear a broken heart. Pain whether emotional pain or physical pain is a part of life just take ti slow and deal with it. good luckI have been with my fiance for 6 years , last year i found out he have been cheating on me for the past 3 year
You cut all contact. That he was your fiance for 6 years is a red flag. The man has commitment issues.
If he is your fiance..and has been for the past 6 years. His already cheating..you dont need that, when you marry him he will obviously continue doing it. Get rid of him, im sure you can do better.
well, understand and accept that it will hurt for a while. Now don't try to make the pain easier just accept it and deal with it. don't have a relationship to soon before your emotionally ready. Dint get drunk for another 6 months most of the time when we break up we go out to drink and it ends up being a bad thing. The last advice is to not be afraid to get another relationship it will take time but there is no need to fear a broken heart. Pain whether emotional pain or physical pain is a part of life just take ti slow and deal with it. good luckI have been with my fiance for 6 years , last year i found out he have been cheating on me for the past 3 year
You cut all contact. That he was your fiance for 6 years is a red flag. The man has commitment issues.
If he is your fiance..and has been for the past 6 years. His already cheating..you dont need that, when you marry him he will obviously continue doing it. Get rid of him, im sure you can do better.
Please!!! help me. I feel crushed . How do I cope with this? I can't run away from this, I can't face this.
I went to my dad's office yesterday, and fiddling on his computer, I found out that he's been visiting X-rated sites thru his office comp.
At that time, I was shocked, but my first impulse was to download ccleaner, and remove all traces of this activity. Like, its not as if I don't watch porn, but I am good at covering my tracks , and He's not, and I was worried about him getting into trouble. ( At 58, he has another 2 years to go before retirement, been married 26 years.) I am 17 and my sis is 22.
But later, I visited some of the sites and confirmed my suspicions-- Many of them were fronts for ';female escorts';. Ugh.
What do I do? He might be cheating on my mom, notto mention spending money that he should be saving on costly sluts.
But what can I do? I am REALLY NOT comfortable discussing this with either my mom or dad, and am trying to convince myself that it must be his assistant or someone else who is using the comp when he's not there to stop them. But that's rather unlikely.Please!!! help me. I feel crushed . How do I cope with this? I can't run away from this, I can't face this.
Call him on it. if he knows you know he may stop. It is not fair to your mother, if he is with prostitutes he is putting her life in danger, and must be stopped.Please!!! help me. I feel crushed . How do I cope with this? I can't run away from this, I can't face this.
The simple solution for all who are involved, is to download the cleaner... %26amp; not say a word to anyone about it.
If it happens again, you could always clean it again.
Maybe he'll get the hint, but without any of you having to go thru an embarrassing or tragic situation.
I don't know why you were ';fiddling'; with your dad's computer, but anything you saw there is his private business. It need not mean he is cheating. First, keep your mouth shut. You are 17 and have many opinions that are typical for your age. Your dad is a grown man who is far from dead. You say you are not comfortable talking with your dad, but before you say or do anything, you should try. As you mature, you will understand more. I am not condoning what he may be doing, but it is NOT your place to be his conscience or to run your mouth about anything your learned while ';fiddling.'; You don't have the facts, the understanding or maturity to ruin lives based on what you don't know. Blabbing or tattling is childish and would hurt everyone.
Well as hard as it may seem I'd have a talk with your father. After all what if even its a small chance someone else used his computer and went to these sites and it wasn't him at all. Either way confronting him might just make him realize he made a mistake if he actually was him going to these sites. Good luck to you. ;o)
I realize you want to help, but actually, it's none of your business.
Confronting him, or telling your mother will change their relationship to each other and yours to them. The big question is will it change for the better or will it be worse? No one can answer that one. Are you willing to risk it?
First of all, let him know that you know and that you are disappointed in him. You can't make him stop but to let him know that you are aware of his activity could be a good incentive to make him stop.
Second, please realize that monogamy isn't really normal and that people, even Christians, wander sexually. Sex is as normal as going to the bathroom. You are only 17 and think think the world is pure when in reality it is not. Hypocracy is the first evil...the interest in sex is way down the line.
Maybe your dad won't quit being interested in sex but with your encouragement he an drop the hypocracy. I'd bet your mom already know he does this...women are seldom surprised ...though sometimes they pretend to be.
Extremely tough growing pain but you will survive. Talk to your dad about it. Tell him how disappointed you are. If anyone tells your mom about it, let it be your dad.
I just read that you're afraid of your dad...my brothers and I were afraid of my dad too. You're 17 now...maybe you should consider that its time to quit being afraid. Maybe its time he should be afraid of you. Find that self confidence that he never gave you and be proud of yourself and your ability to confront head on! I don't think sneaky tricks are the answer.
When you tell a family member something like that it can %26amp; sometimes does back fire in your face. If you erase it he will just put it back on there.Maybe sitting down with your Dad in front of your findings will be a good eye opener for him. Just be very careful when going on someone's computer cause we all have secrets.
well try to block it so he cant get on or tell him that he needs help
You need to be a man and discuss this with your Dad. It could very well be that someone else is using his computer to do this. However, if it's really your Dad, you aren't in a position of authority over him, and you can't force him to stop. You can only let him know how this affects you. If he's a decent guy, that may be enough to make him take a hard look at himself and change his ways.
While we're at it, you don't need to be looking at porn, either. You mentioned it very cavalierly in your post, but there's nothing light-hearted about it. As you're beginning to consider now, porn can destroy families and careers. If you're not strong enough to quit ';cold turkey'; look for a counselor or a support group for help. Maybe you and your Dad could get help together. How would he feel if he knew you were surfing the same porn sites that he is?
Good luck to you both!
See, you don't know for sure. You have to ask your dad. And if he says no you have to say seriously because I care about you andthen he would say the real answer. Andthen sticks to the real answer. I know you don't it but you really need to talk to him. I thought that was the same with my dad but he wasn't cheating. You have to tell somebody. Or you aren't going to move on with your life.
Man, I really feel for you....
Thankfully, I've never been in that position, but I'd guess it had as much to do with my parents never having been caught than it did that they were 100% faithful. Either way....
At the risk of sounding overly naive, you need to try to find out for sure EXACTLY what's going on. There are some places on the internet you can go and it puts through some porn sites, etc. without your knowledge (I went cleaning up my own computer once, shocked at the porn sites I had apparently ';visited';, knowing no one else had been on my computer). You need to be sure, before you act, that your dad is the one accessing these sites, and that he's doing it on purpose.
Though I've never been in this situation, it's exactly like something my cousin went through several years back. Even though my uncle and cousin aren't the closest of all fathers and sons (especially back then), my cousin did go to his dad and talk to him. He pulled out the way he had been raised to respect women and be faithful to his wife, telling his dad what he was accessing online is nothing short of cyanide for a marriage. It caused a little friction, but my uncle ultimately realized my cousin was right (the friction was caused by the embarrassment or being upset at being caught.)
I have a theory that most people can be talked to and problems be worked out that way, as long as you keep a level head and approach it the right way. As angry and disappointed as you are right now, a conversation with your dad will go MUCH easier, and probably with better results, if you talk to him like an adult, calmly and rationally, letting him know you love him, but this is really bothering you, and you won't back down or be made to feel like your opinions are worthless. Basically, show confidence without arrogance. Expect that his first reaction may be defensiveness, and that's completely normal. You'd probably respond the same way.
You said something that kind of bothered me, though. I'm a homemaker. While your mother has been doing it much longer than myself, it's an incorrect statement to say that she ';can't get a job'; because she's a homemaker. I have personally had working relationships with women who returned to the work force after 25 years of homemaking. Had they not told me they hadn't ';worked'; in 25 years, I never would have guessed it. In many ways, being a homemaker allows some growth that is really appreciated in the workforce (from early on, homemakers have to learn to manage their time wisely, mediate disagreements between the most unreasonable people on planet earth (toddlers), show self-discipline, and multi-task.) My dad has what I call the ';hiring and firing'; job at the company he works for, and he assured me that the fact that a woman hasn't had a ';real job'; (there's just not a nice term in that situation) in decades has never made a difference in their hire-ability. Just wanted to let you know, so you don't have that to worry about.
Unfortunately, in these times and in this country, a suprising number of women assume their spouses look at porn. It's not right, but it's possible that would not be a surpise in the least to your mom. I definately don't think it's on the list of things to do for a great marriage, but it's a sad fact that huge numbers of men look at that garbage, and it's a sadder fact that huge numbers of their wives are aware of it.
I definately think you should talk to your dad, but not your mom just yet.
screw it....tell your mom so that she can get out....thats horrible...how would you feel if you were in her shoes! he will have to pay her alimony and yes she can get some sort of a job...im sure friends and family could help out....get her away from this jack asss quick!
here y dont u mail me and ill tell u my answer that why as i dont think u will want people to read what i have to say it will be ok names laura mail me if u wanna talk
Sit him down, and give him a talk.
Don't accuse him right off the bat, but you know, get in a conversation, then bring it up- without the accusing tone because it just MAY be a different person who used the computer.
Or talk with your mom about your suspicions, you know. That would probably help too. :)
You think too much. Here is how it goes. You are not your father or mother. They are your guardians for a reason. They are adults and let the adults settle their way of doing things.
Just because there are porn site don’t mean your father is fu##ing someone. Even if he is you are not in any position to stop him from what is “want” to do fu##ing someone. Just tell your father what you found and then ask him does mom know cause if he doesn’t tell then you will.
And let them work it out them self. You are not an adult to make there decision for them yet.
Then charge your father $200.00 and a new car for covering his mess up.
i think your father is big enaf to think for im self , i'm shure you dont no the full story , or you toak whid him or live and let live
At that time, I was shocked, but my first impulse was to download ccleaner, and remove all traces of this activity. Like, its not as if I don't watch porn, but I am good at covering my tracks , and He's not, and I was worried about him getting into trouble. ( At 58, he has another 2 years to go before retirement, been married 26 years.) I am 17 and my sis is 22.
But later, I visited some of the sites and confirmed my suspicions-- Many of them were fronts for ';female escorts';. Ugh.
What do I do? He might be cheating on my mom, notto mention spending money that he should be saving on costly sluts.
But what can I do? I am REALLY NOT comfortable discussing this with either my mom or dad, and am trying to convince myself that it must be his assistant or someone else who is using the comp when he's not there to stop them. But that's rather unlikely.Please!!! help me. I feel crushed . How do I cope with this? I can't run away from this, I can't face this.
Call him on it. if he knows you know he may stop. It is not fair to your mother, if he is with prostitutes he is putting her life in danger, and must be stopped.Please!!! help me. I feel crushed . How do I cope with this? I can't run away from this, I can't face this.
The simple solution for all who are involved, is to download the cleaner... %26amp; not say a word to anyone about it.
If it happens again, you could always clean it again.
Maybe he'll get the hint, but without any of you having to go thru an embarrassing or tragic situation.
I don't know why you were ';fiddling'; with your dad's computer, but anything you saw there is his private business. It need not mean he is cheating. First, keep your mouth shut. You are 17 and have many opinions that are typical for your age. Your dad is a grown man who is far from dead. You say you are not comfortable talking with your dad, but before you say or do anything, you should try. As you mature, you will understand more. I am not condoning what he may be doing, but it is NOT your place to be his conscience or to run your mouth about anything your learned while ';fiddling.'; You don't have the facts, the understanding or maturity to ruin lives based on what you don't know. Blabbing or tattling is childish and would hurt everyone.
Well as hard as it may seem I'd have a talk with your father. After all what if even its a small chance someone else used his computer and went to these sites and it wasn't him at all. Either way confronting him might just make him realize he made a mistake if he actually was him going to these sites. Good luck to you. ;o)
I realize you want to help, but actually, it's none of your business.
Confronting him, or telling your mother will change their relationship to each other and yours to them. The big question is will it change for the better or will it be worse? No one can answer that one. Are you willing to risk it?
First of all, let him know that you know and that you are disappointed in him. You can't make him stop but to let him know that you are aware of his activity could be a good incentive to make him stop.
Second, please realize that monogamy isn't really normal and that people, even Christians, wander sexually. Sex is as normal as going to the bathroom. You are only 17 and think think the world is pure when in reality it is not. Hypocracy is the first evil...the interest in sex is way down the line.
Maybe your dad won't quit being interested in sex but with your encouragement he an drop the hypocracy. I'd bet your mom already know he does this...women are seldom surprised ...though sometimes they pretend to be.
Extremely tough growing pain but you will survive. Talk to your dad about it. Tell him how disappointed you are. If anyone tells your mom about it, let it be your dad.
I just read that you're afraid of your dad...my brothers and I were afraid of my dad too. You're 17 now...maybe you should consider that its time to quit being afraid. Maybe its time he should be afraid of you. Find that self confidence that he never gave you and be proud of yourself and your ability to confront head on! I don't think sneaky tricks are the answer.
When you tell a family member something like that it can %26amp; sometimes does back fire in your face. If you erase it he will just put it back on there.Maybe sitting down with your Dad in front of your findings will be a good eye opener for him. Just be very careful when going on someone's computer cause we all have secrets.
well try to block it so he cant get on or tell him that he needs help
You need to be a man and discuss this with your Dad. It could very well be that someone else is using his computer to do this. However, if it's really your Dad, you aren't in a position of authority over him, and you can't force him to stop. You can only let him know how this affects you. If he's a decent guy, that may be enough to make him take a hard look at himself and change his ways.
While we're at it, you don't need to be looking at porn, either. You mentioned it very cavalierly in your post, but there's nothing light-hearted about it. As you're beginning to consider now, porn can destroy families and careers. If you're not strong enough to quit ';cold turkey'; look for a counselor or a support group for help. Maybe you and your Dad could get help together. How would he feel if he knew you were surfing the same porn sites that he is?
Good luck to you both!
See, you don't know for sure. You have to ask your dad. And if he says no you have to say seriously because I care about you andthen he would say the real answer. Andthen sticks to the real answer. I know you don't it but you really need to talk to him. I thought that was the same with my dad but he wasn't cheating. You have to tell somebody. Or you aren't going to move on with your life.
Man, I really feel for you....
Thankfully, I've never been in that position, but I'd guess it had as much to do with my parents never having been caught than it did that they were 100% faithful. Either way....
At the risk of sounding overly naive, you need to try to find out for sure EXACTLY what's going on. There are some places on the internet you can go and it puts through some porn sites, etc. without your knowledge (I went cleaning up my own computer once, shocked at the porn sites I had apparently ';visited';, knowing no one else had been on my computer). You need to be sure, before you act, that your dad is the one accessing these sites, and that he's doing it on purpose.
Though I've never been in this situation, it's exactly like something my cousin went through several years back. Even though my uncle and cousin aren't the closest of all fathers and sons (especially back then), my cousin did go to his dad and talk to him. He pulled out the way he had been raised to respect women and be faithful to his wife, telling his dad what he was accessing online is nothing short of cyanide for a marriage. It caused a little friction, but my uncle ultimately realized my cousin was right (the friction was caused by the embarrassment or being upset at being caught.)
I have a theory that most people can be talked to and problems be worked out that way, as long as you keep a level head and approach it the right way. As angry and disappointed as you are right now, a conversation with your dad will go MUCH easier, and probably with better results, if you talk to him like an adult, calmly and rationally, letting him know you love him, but this is really bothering you, and you won't back down or be made to feel like your opinions are worthless. Basically, show confidence without arrogance. Expect that his first reaction may be defensiveness, and that's completely normal. You'd probably respond the same way.
You said something that kind of bothered me, though. I'm a homemaker. While your mother has been doing it much longer than myself, it's an incorrect statement to say that she ';can't get a job'; because she's a homemaker. I have personally had working relationships with women who returned to the work force after 25 years of homemaking. Had they not told me they hadn't ';worked'; in 25 years, I never would have guessed it. In many ways, being a homemaker allows some growth that is really appreciated in the workforce (from early on, homemakers have to learn to manage their time wisely, mediate disagreements between the most unreasonable people on planet earth (toddlers), show self-discipline, and multi-task.) My dad has what I call the ';hiring and firing'; job at the company he works for, and he assured me that the fact that a woman hasn't had a ';real job'; (there's just not a nice term in that situation) in decades has never made a difference in their hire-ability. Just wanted to let you know, so you don't have that to worry about.
Unfortunately, in these times and in this country, a suprising number of women assume their spouses look at porn. It's not right, but it's possible that would not be a surpise in the least to your mom. I definately don't think it's on the list of things to do for a great marriage, but it's a sad fact that huge numbers of men look at that garbage, and it's a sadder fact that huge numbers of their wives are aware of it.
I definately think you should talk to your dad, but not your mom just yet.
screw it....tell your mom so that she can get out....thats horrible...how would you feel if you were in her shoes! he will have to pay her alimony and yes she can get some sort of a job...im sure friends and family could help out....get her away from this jack asss quick!
here y dont u mail me and ill tell u my answer that why as i dont think u will want people to read what i have to say it will be ok names laura mail me if u wanna talk
Sit him down, and give him a talk.
Don't accuse him right off the bat, but you know, get in a conversation, then bring it up- without the accusing tone because it just MAY be a different person who used the computer.
Or talk with your mom about your suspicions, you know. That would probably help too. :)
You think too much. Here is how it goes. You are not your father or mother. They are your guardians for a reason. They are adults and let the adults settle their way of doing things.
Just because there are porn site don’t mean your father is fu##ing someone. Even if he is you are not in any position to stop him from what is “want” to do fu##ing someone. Just tell your father what you found and then ask him does mom know cause if he doesn’t tell then you will.
And let them work it out them self. You are not an adult to make there decision for them yet.
Then charge your father $200.00 and a new car for covering his mess up.
i think your father is big enaf to think for im self , i'm shure you dont no the full story , or you toak whid him or live and let live
Divorce....how to cope.?
It's been almost a year since I left my husband. There is no doubt from anyone, including myself, that I did the right thing by leaving him. I was never going to have anything with a drug addict. But why do I still miss him? I'm finally getting back into the whole dating thing. I'm seeing an old boyfriend, who I still care alot about. Yet, somehow I still feel like I'm cheating on my husband. Anyone got any insight?Divorce....how to cope.?
Pity for the drug addict---HIS CHOICES--HIS LIFE--HIS LOSS---but he probably puts drugs before you and most everything else. Miss him?? Yeah--its a shame it had to go bad--but I wouldn't miss him for very long. Close one door before you open another. Don't date until you are over this guy completely. It will ruin the NEW chances at happiness--especially if you told me or another guy you miss the ex. I would say';Oh yeah--well beat it until you growup and get your head straight'; I would not waste time with a person still attached to an ex. YOU have to decide when YOU are finished with him. Sorry for the entire disappointing thing--but it is up to you to MOVE ON. Cheating on an ex??? You better rethink that attitude. CLOSE THAT DOOR BEFORE YOU OPEN ANOTHER---its way too much on the human emotions. Good luck to you.Divorce....how to cope.?
Its different for everyone. You will have to pull up your socks and go on with your life. It seems you were married for a very long time and that is why you miss your Ex-Husband. Thing is that you are missing the familiar surrounding and not the person exactlty.
Don't worry things will change, just wait for the right time.
it depends on for what reason you left him . . . if its because he was abusing or harassing or something rude , think about all the bad things he did to you . . . he was genuine and there is no big reason . . . you are still in love with him its good to consider a reconciliation . . .
Its hard, and different for everyone. I have been divorced for years. It takes time. It might help to look up the psychological grieving process. The steps. It will help explain what you're feeling and show its normal. *hugs*
And remember, you did love him enough to marry him. It will take time.
Relationships are emotional %26amp; they take time to decompress, beginning from the time of separation. BTW, was he actually a drug addict or light drug taker %26amp; still responsible?
Pity for the drug addict---HIS CHOICES--HIS LIFE--HIS LOSS---but he probably puts drugs before you and most everything else. Miss him?? Yeah--its a shame it had to go bad--but I wouldn't miss him for very long. Close one door before you open another. Don't date until you are over this guy completely. It will ruin the NEW chances at happiness--especially if you told me or another guy you miss the ex. I would say';Oh yeah--well beat it until you growup and get your head straight'; I would not waste time with a person still attached to an ex. YOU have to decide when YOU are finished with him. Sorry for the entire disappointing thing--but it is up to you to MOVE ON. Cheating on an ex??? You better rethink that attitude. CLOSE THAT DOOR BEFORE YOU OPEN ANOTHER---its way too much on the human emotions. Good luck to you.Divorce....how to cope.?
Its different for everyone. You will have to pull up your socks and go on with your life. It seems you were married for a very long time and that is why you miss your Ex-Husband. Thing is that you are missing the familiar surrounding and not the person exactlty.
Don't worry things will change, just wait for the right time.
it depends on for what reason you left him . . . if its because he was abusing or harassing or something rude , think about all the bad things he did to you . . . he was genuine and there is no big reason . . . you are still in love with him its good to consider a reconciliation . . .
Its hard, and different for everyone. I have been divorced for years. It takes time. It might help to look up the psychological grieving process. The steps. It will help explain what you're feeling and show its normal. *hugs*
And remember, you did love him enough to marry him. It will take time.
Relationships are emotional %26amp; they take time to decompress, beginning from the time of separation. BTW, was he actually a drug addict or light drug taker %26amp; still responsible?
Please!!! help me. I feel crushed . How do I cope with this? I can't run away from this, I can't face this.
I went to my dad's office yesterday, and fiddling on his computer, I found out that he's been visiting X-rated sites thru his office comp.
At that time, I was shocked, but my first impulse was to download ccleaner, and remove all traces of this activity. Like, its not as if I don't watch porn, but I am good at covering my tracks , and He's not, and I was worried about him getting into trouble. ( At 58, he has another 2 years to go before retirement, been married 26 years.) I am 17 and my sis is 22.
But later, I visited some of the sites and confirmed my suspicions-- Many of them were fronts for ';female escorts';. Ugh.
What do I do? He might be cheating on my mom, notto mention spending money that he should be saving on costly sluts.
But what can I do? I am REALLY NOT comfortable discussing this with either my mom or dad, and am trying to convince myself that it must be his assistant or someone else who is using the comp when he's not there to stop them. But that's rather unlikely.Please!!! help me. I feel crushed . How do I cope with this? I can't run away from this, I can't face this.
He is 58..... he has the right to do what he wants... You have no idea if it is him... or someone else using his computer. Also, it really is not the place for one of his kids to discuss something like this with him... especially if you do not have a relationship like that....
How embarrassing!
No do not erase anything on his computer....
Just because a man visits porn sites does not mean he is cheating.
I personally find the sites disgusting..... but I am not here to judge anyone who visits them....Please!!! help me. I feel crushed . How do I cope with this? I can't run away from this, I can't face this.
I do not envy your present position and can understand your hurt. However ,at this point in time remember that you are not absolutely sure that your father is using a social escort service. So your emotions are based purely on your suspicions..
Reflect on whether his habits have changed, his time coming home consistent as before, he demeanour to wife and family unchanged....
This is a part of life and millions go through this ';phase';. Nobody can or should sit in judgment on this man. There are so many unknown things, so many uncertainties.
Take heart, focus on the positive side , discuss with trusted friends to gain more insight and understanding and do not leave your sister out of it.
Good luck and hope all turns out well for you and family.
Ok... believe it or not a lot of men download porn just to pass time away.. dont mean they act on it... like reading a magazine..also his wife might know he does it and have no problems with that cos she trusts him. Id say she knows him more then u do and some things a daughter is not privy to..and i think u forget that ur parents sex lives need livening up after so long..if u got married and was for so long dont tell me u wuldnt read a magazine and dont tell me ur husband wuldnt know u did.
This is SOOO none of your business. Most men are fascinated by porn, and just about any porn site you visit has links to escort services... don't jump to conclusions. I understand why your protective of your mother, but children rarely know the full details of their parents marriage, and usually nothing about their sex life, ...what they do, what they don't do, and what they've agreed upon. Keep in mind that it isn't completely uncommon for wives your mothers age to be fully aware of and condoning of their husbands having sexual interests outside the marriage, and mentioning it would be a huge embarrassment to everyone. And if she doesn't know, do you really want to be the one responsible for breaking her heart and destroying her life? Stay out of it.
Most men do this to whatever extent they know how and think they can get away with, whether it's getting hardcore porn from the internet, or just flipping channels on the TV looking for pretty women. Heck, you do it.
Those escort ads have stuff in them to look at that, and that's all the vast majority of men looking at them will do: look. It's as far as they care to go, really. They're just there for the free porn. If the worst he browses are escort ad sites, you probably don't have anything to worry about.
If the sites are all local, though, that might be different, but would still most likely be just a basis for fantasy. All-in-all, if the only sign of infidelity you see is web browsing, there probably isn't any.
UPDATE: They ARE local? Whoah!
Just to give him the benefit of the doubt, hit Ctrl-H and look at the browsing history. You can then see when the pages were last viewed and get a better idea of how he got to them - whether he was seeking them out to begin with or stumbled on one and looked up the rest out of amused curiosity. I'll admit, though, it doesn't sound good.
Maybe confont him indirectly. Ask him which of his coworkers was browsing escorts on his computer. Watch his reaction. Heck, since it's a new enough computer the sites could well have been browsed by whoever set it up for him, so it's still not a sure thing. The browsing history should tell you the timing. If you can find out when he got it that could actually eliminate him as a suspect. Good luck.
Geez, that's alot for a 17 year old to have to deal with. Talk to your sis. At 22 she could have some ideas and together you could figure something out. If not, is there another close adult you can go to? I suggest not worrying about trying to mend your parents marriage. Most woman suspect before anybody else knows anyway. You don't say why your mom can't get a job. Is she disabled? Maybe she already knows and either puts up with it or doesn't mind as long as he stays with her. (Yes, some women have such low self esteem they would rather live this way.) I would also put a block on his computer. If he doesn't know how to fix it, it could work for a little while. It won't stop him though. If he is determined he will find other ways around it. Men are just pigs and they don't care who they hurt. Most of them only think with their D****. It's sad but true. I wish you lots of luck.
Yes, do it. What is he gonna do? Complain that he cant get onto his escort sites??
no cuz for one he is grown and he knows better and he may end up hating you or embarrased that you found out so just leave it alone
WOW, do I feel your pain!
If you do not mind I will be praying for you and your family.
This is a family issue and there is no easy answer for you. I admire your concern for your family.
I don't know how to advise you except please seek out a good and discreet family counselor. You may even be able to talk to someone online.
There are many support groups out there and you can search for most of them online. Do not settle for any type of help until you feel good about the person or people trying to help you.
You do not have to run from this. You can face this. You are strong enough to reach out for help. That means you have what it takes to face this even though it is very hard.
Please do not be discouraged. Be encouraged. Your father is wrong and you need to get some help. Please seek counseling.
I wish you all the best.
I dbout that he'd be cheating. Probably just craved. A man his age and a women that age get weak and can't you know do it like it used to be anymore so I guess he's just in a phase. Tell him you know before anyone else finds out. He needs to cut down. or stop.
my answer is quite simple...
DON'T WAIT ANYMORE...JUS GO AND HAVE TALK WITH HIM BOUT THIS,
GO NOW........................RIGHT NOW!!!
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you could start up a conversation right at the dinner table with all your family... start it like ... the other day a friend of mine was using her Dad's computer and accidentally found out that he was on pornographic sights and that is just wrong...her mom and dad are very happy together.... what would make him go to those sights and look at those type of people... you being a man dad... why do men do these things... I can see single men doing them ..but not married ones... any ideas Dad...
TURN OFF HIS ANTI-VIRUS AND FIREWALL AND ANTI-SPYWARE PROTECTION AND LET HIS COMPUTER RUN
FREE WITH DISEASE FROM THE INTERNET. WHEN HIS COMPUTER SLOWS DOWN AND ENVENTUALLY CRASHES
HE'LL BE STUCK IN A POSITION.
AS FOR BEING AFRAID OF YOUR DAD: DON'T LET IT FAZE YOU. IF HE'S CHEATING- YOUR MOM HAS A RIGHT TO KNOW. JUST DO IT IN A MANNER WHERE YOU DON'T GET IN ';TROUBLE';. I DON'T WANT YOU TAKE A BEATING YOU DON'T DESERVE.
You shouldn't have been snooping. You don't know if he is cheating or just looking. Leave it alone.
You are a good son - be proud of yourself. I think that is a good idea to install that. Don't mention it to anyone, just do it. I hope the best for you, your mom and your sis!
i think you should tell your sis and try to get her to help u and it might just b hes old and likes that kind of stuff.but ya talk to your sis b 4 u thalk to your mom or dad may b she will talk to them with you
You are suffering and deeply hurt from what you should not have been fiddling with in the first place. But now, you must see someone you trust to vent your feelings, the school counselor, your minister, or a trusted (I emphasize trusted) adult friend SUCH as a trusted teacher. Your dad, like all people in the world, has his weakness, understand that he isn't perfect, and neither is anyone. Accept and love your dad, but not his weakness, after all has he not honored you? Yes, your mom would also suffer if she found out, and perhaps she already knows (there are tell-tale signs)...women are smart and they can detect such things. Take care and God bless.
As disgusting as it may seem to you, it is not any of your business. You have no right to put any block on his computer. Remember, your dad is a big boy...I am sure he has already considered the possible implications to his behaviour.
';cleaning'; his computer can save hs job and his retirement as this is a ';zero-tolerance'; issue in most companies ... delete the porn links on his ';Favorites'; list, or better yet delete the entire favorites list so he has to recreate it from scratch, that will keep him busy on more productive activities. I would not tell him because if he thinks the corporate IT dept did it, he will be unlikely to do it at work again.
setting blocks may be good, but to install a ';nanny'; program or any other software may alert the company to his activities and that you DONT want to do. if he shoots himself in the foot by questioning the IT dept, thats his stupidity, but minor adjustments to his permissions wont send any flags to anyone other than himself. you are a good son/daughter and are only looking out for his employment welfare. you dont need to turn this into a confrontation at this time and for all concerned, the less said, the better.
on the other side of that coin, he might have been looking at porn to ';charge his batteries'; for your mom when he got home. in any case, the workplace is definitely NOT the place to surf for porn
Your father is a ba$tard, and your mom probably knows that he's cheating honey but is probably afraid of him as are you. This is a bad situation and you bringing it up to your dad could make it worse as he could easily lie to you and say it must've been someone else or intimidate you to lying for him, so go with your gut and block the pervert from that porn. He's not only cheating but putting you guys in financial trouble too. Hes a jerk. Pretty soon you'll be old enough to get the F out.
Mind your own business.Your under 18,so you are the only one who is definitely doing something illegal.
you need to talk to your mom and tell her she will be mad but say this:
';mom, i need to tell you something but don't be mad, when dad's at work i saw him going on porn sites and he goes on female porn and he's cheating on you ';blond hair celebrity hair
At that time, I was shocked, but my first impulse was to download ccleaner, and remove all traces of this activity. Like, its not as if I don't watch porn, but I am good at covering my tracks , and He's not, and I was worried about him getting into trouble. ( At 58, he has another 2 years to go before retirement, been married 26 years.) I am 17 and my sis is 22.
But later, I visited some of the sites and confirmed my suspicions-- Many of them were fronts for ';female escorts';. Ugh.
What do I do? He might be cheating on my mom, notto mention spending money that he should be saving on costly sluts.
But what can I do? I am REALLY NOT comfortable discussing this with either my mom or dad, and am trying to convince myself that it must be his assistant or someone else who is using the comp when he's not there to stop them. But that's rather unlikely.Please!!! help me. I feel crushed . How do I cope with this? I can't run away from this, I can't face this.
He is 58..... he has the right to do what he wants... You have no idea if it is him... or someone else using his computer. Also, it really is not the place for one of his kids to discuss something like this with him... especially if you do not have a relationship like that....
How embarrassing!
No do not erase anything on his computer....
Just because a man visits porn sites does not mean he is cheating.
I personally find the sites disgusting..... but I am not here to judge anyone who visits them....Please!!! help me. I feel crushed . How do I cope with this? I can't run away from this, I can't face this.
I do not envy your present position and can understand your hurt. However ,at this point in time remember that you are not absolutely sure that your father is using a social escort service. So your emotions are based purely on your suspicions..
Reflect on whether his habits have changed, his time coming home consistent as before, he demeanour to wife and family unchanged....
This is a part of life and millions go through this ';phase';. Nobody can or should sit in judgment on this man. There are so many unknown things, so many uncertainties.
Take heart, focus on the positive side , discuss with trusted friends to gain more insight and understanding and do not leave your sister out of it.
Good luck and hope all turns out well for you and family.
Ok... believe it or not a lot of men download porn just to pass time away.. dont mean they act on it... like reading a magazine..also his wife might know he does it and have no problems with that cos she trusts him. Id say she knows him more then u do and some things a daughter is not privy to..and i think u forget that ur parents sex lives need livening up after so long..if u got married and was for so long dont tell me u wuldnt read a magazine and dont tell me ur husband wuldnt know u did.
This is SOOO none of your business. Most men are fascinated by porn, and just about any porn site you visit has links to escort services... don't jump to conclusions. I understand why your protective of your mother, but children rarely know the full details of their parents marriage, and usually nothing about their sex life, ...what they do, what they don't do, and what they've agreed upon. Keep in mind that it isn't completely uncommon for wives your mothers age to be fully aware of and condoning of their husbands having sexual interests outside the marriage, and mentioning it would be a huge embarrassment to everyone. And if she doesn't know, do you really want to be the one responsible for breaking her heart and destroying her life? Stay out of it.
Most men do this to whatever extent they know how and think they can get away with, whether it's getting hardcore porn from the internet, or just flipping channels on the TV looking for pretty women. Heck, you do it.
Those escort ads have stuff in them to look at that, and that's all the vast majority of men looking at them will do: look. It's as far as they care to go, really. They're just there for the free porn. If the worst he browses are escort ad sites, you probably don't have anything to worry about.
If the sites are all local, though, that might be different, but would still most likely be just a basis for fantasy. All-in-all, if the only sign of infidelity you see is web browsing, there probably isn't any.
UPDATE: They ARE local? Whoah!
Just to give him the benefit of the doubt, hit Ctrl-H and look at the browsing history. You can then see when the pages were last viewed and get a better idea of how he got to them - whether he was seeking them out to begin with or stumbled on one and looked up the rest out of amused curiosity. I'll admit, though, it doesn't sound good.
Maybe confont him indirectly. Ask him which of his coworkers was browsing escorts on his computer. Watch his reaction. Heck, since it's a new enough computer the sites could well have been browsed by whoever set it up for him, so it's still not a sure thing. The browsing history should tell you the timing. If you can find out when he got it that could actually eliminate him as a suspect. Good luck.
Geez, that's alot for a 17 year old to have to deal with. Talk to your sis. At 22 she could have some ideas and together you could figure something out. If not, is there another close adult you can go to? I suggest not worrying about trying to mend your parents marriage. Most woman suspect before anybody else knows anyway. You don't say why your mom can't get a job. Is she disabled? Maybe she already knows and either puts up with it or doesn't mind as long as he stays with her. (Yes, some women have such low self esteem they would rather live this way.) I would also put a block on his computer. If he doesn't know how to fix it, it could work for a little while. It won't stop him though. If he is determined he will find other ways around it. Men are just pigs and they don't care who they hurt. Most of them only think with their D****. It's sad but true. I wish you lots of luck.
Yes, do it. What is he gonna do? Complain that he cant get onto his escort sites??
no cuz for one he is grown and he knows better and he may end up hating you or embarrased that you found out so just leave it alone
WOW, do I feel your pain!
If you do not mind I will be praying for you and your family.
This is a family issue and there is no easy answer for you. I admire your concern for your family.
I don't know how to advise you except please seek out a good and discreet family counselor. You may even be able to talk to someone online.
There are many support groups out there and you can search for most of them online. Do not settle for any type of help until you feel good about the person or people trying to help you.
You do not have to run from this. You can face this. You are strong enough to reach out for help. That means you have what it takes to face this even though it is very hard.
Please do not be discouraged. Be encouraged. Your father is wrong and you need to get some help. Please seek counseling.
I wish you all the best.
I dbout that he'd be cheating. Probably just craved. A man his age and a women that age get weak and can't you know do it like it used to be anymore so I guess he's just in a phase. Tell him you know before anyone else finds out. He needs to cut down. or stop.
my answer is quite simple...
DON'T WAIT ANYMORE...JUS GO AND HAVE TALK WITH HIM BOUT THIS,
GO NOW........................RIGHT NOW!!!
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you could start up a conversation right at the dinner table with all your family... start it like ... the other day a friend of mine was using her Dad's computer and accidentally found out that he was on pornographic sights and that is just wrong...her mom and dad are very happy together.... what would make him go to those sights and look at those type of people... you being a man dad... why do men do these things... I can see single men doing them ..but not married ones... any ideas Dad...
TURN OFF HIS ANTI-VIRUS AND FIREWALL AND ANTI-SPYWARE PROTECTION AND LET HIS COMPUTER RUN
FREE WITH DISEASE FROM THE INTERNET. WHEN HIS COMPUTER SLOWS DOWN AND ENVENTUALLY CRASHES
HE'LL BE STUCK IN A POSITION.
AS FOR BEING AFRAID OF YOUR DAD: DON'T LET IT FAZE YOU. IF HE'S CHEATING- YOUR MOM HAS A RIGHT TO KNOW. JUST DO IT IN A MANNER WHERE YOU DON'T GET IN ';TROUBLE';. I DON'T WANT YOU TAKE A BEATING YOU DON'T DESERVE.
You shouldn't have been snooping. You don't know if he is cheating or just looking. Leave it alone.
You are a good son - be proud of yourself. I think that is a good idea to install that. Don't mention it to anyone, just do it. I hope the best for you, your mom and your sis!
i think you should tell your sis and try to get her to help u and it might just b hes old and likes that kind of stuff.but ya talk to your sis b 4 u thalk to your mom or dad may b she will talk to them with you
You are suffering and deeply hurt from what you should not have been fiddling with in the first place. But now, you must see someone you trust to vent your feelings, the school counselor, your minister, or a trusted (I emphasize trusted) adult friend SUCH as a trusted teacher. Your dad, like all people in the world, has his weakness, understand that he isn't perfect, and neither is anyone. Accept and love your dad, but not his weakness, after all has he not honored you? Yes, your mom would also suffer if she found out, and perhaps she already knows (there are tell-tale signs)...women are smart and they can detect such things. Take care and God bless.
As disgusting as it may seem to you, it is not any of your business. You have no right to put any block on his computer. Remember, your dad is a big boy...I am sure he has already considered the possible implications to his behaviour.
';cleaning'; his computer can save hs job and his retirement as this is a ';zero-tolerance'; issue in most companies ... delete the porn links on his ';Favorites'; list, or better yet delete the entire favorites list so he has to recreate it from scratch, that will keep him busy on more productive activities. I would not tell him because if he thinks the corporate IT dept did it, he will be unlikely to do it at work again.
setting blocks may be good, but to install a ';nanny'; program or any other software may alert the company to his activities and that you DONT want to do. if he shoots himself in the foot by questioning the IT dept, thats his stupidity, but minor adjustments to his permissions wont send any flags to anyone other than himself. you are a good son/daughter and are only looking out for his employment welfare. you dont need to turn this into a confrontation at this time and for all concerned, the less said, the better.
on the other side of that coin, he might have been looking at porn to ';charge his batteries'; for your mom when he got home. in any case, the workplace is definitely NOT the place to surf for porn
Your father is a ba$tard, and your mom probably knows that he's cheating honey but is probably afraid of him as are you. This is a bad situation and you bringing it up to your dad could make it worse as he could easily lie to you and say it must've been someone else or intimidate you to lying for him, so go with your gut and block the pervert from that porn. He's not only cheating but putting you guys in financial trouble too. Hes a jerk. Pretty soon you'll be old enough to get the F out.
Mind your own business.Your under 18,so you are the only one who is definitely doing something illegal.
you need to talk to your mom and tell her she will be mad but say this:
';mom, i need to tell you something but don't be mad, when dad's at work i saw him going on porn sites and he goes on female porn and he's cheating on you ';
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