How do you bring your life back to a sense of normalcy? How do you come back after 10 years of cheating ?

How do you find your sense of self? I am a woman who has been with a man for 15 years, with 2 children. I do not work. I am a stay at home mom. My husband lies, cheats, and is a addict of some sorts. He has cheated on me around 20 times. Every day I sit and hope that I will make it thru the day. Suicide sounds better than this sometimes. I know there has to be more, but how do you put your life together and expect more from yourself. Every day I sit and pray, and who knows who and what I pray to. I sit and hope that tommorrow will be better, and tommorrow is the same. My husaband says he is sorry for what he has done to me, but then does the same thing again. I think he is as screwed up as me. How do I find myself again, and if not, then how do I cope. Each day I sit in my house, looking at the housework that needs to be done, talking to no one, and then the family comes home, and I am supposed to be happy. Are they for real? I am stripped from me. I want ME back.How do you bring your life back to a sense of normalcy? How do you come back after 10 years of cheating ?
10 years of cheating! Wow...first off let me say that you are an amazing woman for staying with this man as long as you have. You say that you pray daily, so I am assuming that you are a religious woman. So here is what I would suggest. Try couple therapy first, as it really does help for some people. Marriage is supposed to enrich your life. Cheating is not the problem in a marriage, it is a symptom of the problem, as is the lying. The real problem could be something as common as a lack of communication, money, sex, child bearing...etc. As hard as it may sound...take a look at yourself too, sometimes, the first step in restoring a healthy marriage is looking at the flaws in yourself first. Are you constantly nagging, name calling, bullying? Do you tell them that ';if you loved me, you would do this?'; Do you lay guilt trips on them, and most importantly, have you convinced yourself that you are truely the victim, when perhaps you have contributed to the problem as well. Don't do the very first thing that most people do in a marriage that is falling apart....Do not automatically point the finger at your partner. There is something, that has forced you guys away from each other. I strongly encourage marriage therapy to try to find out what this is stimming from, and then after therapy, If you can't work it out. I would probably divorce. As a couple, you should feel like your lives are fuller, and happier because of each other. Please seek help from a professional, try to save the marriage, and you will see that there is still a you after all, right now it's just a very tired worn out you. When you resolve your conflicts, you will see that you will have more energy, and that you will feel better.How do you bring your life back to a sense of normalcy? How do you come back after 10 years of cheating ?
I think the first thing you need to do is leave. I have been through one affair and i can accept that mistakes happen but I will not allow my self to go through more. You have to love yourself enough to leave he must not really care about your feeling or he jus has a problem with himself that he needs to take care of. Pick yourself up know that you are strong that you are beautiful and you can do it by yourself if you have to. No woman needs a man to complete them. Yeah they are nice to have around sometimes and you may want them but you don't need them. You will find all the normalcy you need when you leave. And your kids would probably be happier if their mother was happy and not suicidal. I came from a divorced home and I think it was better when my mother wasn't with my dad when he was cheating cause she was always crying and I could tell she was always hurting and I hated that.
Personally, I think for your emotional health you would do well to get out of the house. Find friends to do things with, find a job you would enjoy. Sitting inside with nothing to do is hard on a person especially when all they have to do is sit around and think about the bad stuff. Getting out can make you feel better about yourself. Even if its volunteering helping others in need. Sometimes the best therapy is in helping others. Get to the point where you can find someone to confide in, such as friends, family, a pastor or counselor. When we let things build up it really gets hard to handle and hurts us more than we know. It can make us feel hopeless/helpless and eventually we turn cold to other people and numb to our feelings. You have to make yourself happy becasue no one else can do it for you. Goodluck. People shouldn't have to live there lives this way. Hopefully you can get yourself in a healthy state of mind and get oyur husband in some marriage counsleing or something wth you so that you can save your sanity and marriage.
My tears are no longer waiting...my resistance ain't strong but my mind ain't waiting ....I don't love you anymore.....cause theres no one else that holds a candle next to you...but my heart won't take the beating....its him I want to hold....a small voice keeps repeating deep inside my soul...it says I can't keep pretending ..... I don't love you anymore....I tried the chance but lost face ...I don't love you anymore.....
Well, i cant say that i have an answer. But a question, are u married to my husband too? lol Really tho, i am in the exact same boat. Been together 15 years married 3, 2 children. I do things that make ME happy. I go out to the store, i go to goodwill, the mall, a park. But as far as the hubby i am as lost as you. I dont know what has happened in all of these years for him to repeat the same actions. I have no photo evidence, but i have emails, and memories, and the truth of lies. I luv this man with all of my heart. I met him at our county fair when i was 11. But at the same time, its like how much more am i gonna take? What is it gonna take for me to b done? Ive always faith that something would change and stay changed and the ';im sorry';s actually meant something. But i cannot get over what hes done to me, ive forgiven, but not forgotten. I have visuals and very real memories of things in the past that happens now. Its just so hard to get over things and u do get down on yourself. U think what is so wrong with u that u analyze every aspect of your relationship, while just getting more depressed as the time goes by. But, u do have to go and get out of the house. U have to get u r nails done or a haircut. Or to the library, just somewhere that u can relax and focus on you. Do something u like to do. i dont think i have helped much, but i can relate completely. If u ever wanna talk, email me. Good luck
Take a course in college, get a job, get a divorce. And not necessarily in that order. Or you can get a boyfriend, your choice.
Well first of all, you need to get out there and get a job. When you have a job, you will get yourself back. Your husband has a long-standing pattern of cheating......that's not going to change, no way, no how. You can go ahead and kill yourself, but it still isn't going to change. The only way you're going to feel good is when you get out there and start working.