How can i cope with the emotional strain i put on my relationship?

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. Before him, I breifly dated this other guy who my current boyfriend hates. About 2 months ago, I lied to my boyfriend and went to hang out with this other guy. It wasn't anything like cheating, but I just wanted to see someone who used to be a good friend to me that I hadn't seen in about 3 or 4 years. Well my boyfriend found out, and has been having a freak out ever since. He cheated on me 4 years ago, and I forgave him. Then i found out he was ';hanging out'; with another girl on my birthday last year, but since I couldn't find any proof that he cheated again, I stayed with him... I love him so intensely that the thought of being without him hurts me physically. So now, he treats me like crap and acts like I deserve it because I ';lied to him for his enemy, and snuck around behind his back';. he also thinks i cheated on him with this guy, but I never cheated on him once in our 6 years together, and would never after feeling the hurt of him cheating on me. Now I dont know what to do, because I know I deserve his anger for lying to him, and now he can't trust me. But the way he's been treating me, you'd think he completely forgot the damage he did to me in the past by cheating and sneaking around. Like what I did is a thousand times worse than what he did. I dont know what to do anymore, as we fight and bicker constantly. I love him in an unparallel way, but I dont know if staying with him is worth anymore of the emotional pain I am feeling. Should i suck it up because I'm the one who messed up, and see if it passes? Or should I walk away and find someone who can accept that I make mistakes, just like they do? I feel like I'm going insane... please help. and dont judge, i dont think i could handle peoples rude sarcastic comments on this one.How can i cope with the emotional strain i put on my relationship?
Ask yourself.......why should you HAVE to cope with this constant, unforgiving, judgemental, abusive behavior? You are human and didn't cheat.....but his guilt is wanting him to believe that you did cheat so that he doesn't have to feel so guilty about what HE did. He is trying to ';transfer'; his feelings of guilt to you.....so that you will feel guilty enough for both of you, and it releases him from the bondage of guilt.


But at the same time.......his guilt IS putting you into bondage.


Do you really believe that this is what love is about?


Personally.....I would let him go and move forward, without him. You need to believe enough in yourself that you deserve to be truly loved for you......faults and all. You are a human being.....not a martyr.


And as the Bible says......no sin is greater than another.


And who is he that he can sit in judgement of your actions or you as a person? Who died and made him God?


Do you think it would get any better? NO it will not. He needs a scapegoat and as long as you are with him......that is all you will be to him. He has no respect for you. And he doesn't have respect for himself. He should be man enough to admit his own failures with having to lay them on you. You have your own issues to deal with, without having to take on his issues. He is extremely immature and it appears that he may never grow out of it as long as he maintains a scapegoat in his life. He will never be man enough to ';step up to the plate';


God bless you and good luckHow can i cope with the emotional strain i put on my relationship?
Who cheated on who? Who can't trust who? Come on! Yes, you did something you shouldn't have but what he did was one of the worst things a man can do. He's already cheated on you once, chances are he'll do it again. Is that the kind of relationship you want? You deserve to be treated better than that girl!
Truth is if you deal with a man you deal with some kind of stress. Wheter you wnat to keep him depends on how much stress you are willing to deal with. Stay single and stressfree or work it out with him. Good Luck.
this is the marriage and divorce section. Go to singles and dating.
How old are you? This sounds extremely immature.
The way that you said you deserve his anger for lying to him, really stuck out to me and slightly concerned me. You do not deserve his anger for lying to him. You need to find someone mentally mature enough to accept your apology and forget about it. Forgiving is easy but forgetting is hard. If he can't find it within himself to let go of past emotions between the two of you, then you definitely don't deserve that. The reason I think that he is putting you through all this is because of his guilt for his own mistakes. A man and his wife came in two or three years ago and told me that they had both cheated on each other several times. What I do in my business is I counsel the family together and listen to what they think is the problem and then I counsel them each individually. Well, when I took this man by himself for the second session, he confessed to me how his guilt was eating him alive. He had cheated the first four times and then the women had cheated once. When I talked to her, she said that she had been made to feel terrible even though, in her opinion he was the one who had committed the greater crime in their relationship. People take out their own insecurities and their own problems on other people. Then, when I dug deeper I realized that this man was so scared that his wife was going to leave him because of what he'd done and he tried to make her think that she deserved everything he was putting her through. I'm not saying that this is the exact same scenario but I will tell you that people try to make others feel lesser. Whatever the case may be, you do not deserve to hear these words being said to you over and over, especially seeing as how you didn't really do anything. You may have kept a little secret, but it's nothing compared to what he's done. He obviously is guilty and that guilt may be turning him crazy. You need to tell him how you feel. I know that you're crazy in love, but if this doesn't come to an end pretty soon, you have to leave. Don't put yourself in the middle of uneccessary drama, hun. Hope this helps! Message me if you need anything more.
I think you need to answer 2 questions:


1) What is the reason he cheated? Not being drunk or whatever but the real reason. What was going wrong in your relationship that he had sex with someone else?





2) What is the reason that you lied and spent time with your ex? ie. what is it that you found in your ex's company that is missing in your life?





If you answer these questions, I think you'll get a better understanding of the dynamics of your relationship with him - and how you can fix it.
Obviously there is a lot of stuff that has transpired in your relationship and the two of you are not surviving it very well. There is a complete lack of trust between the two of you. Part of his lack of trust toward you is that he was unfaithful some years ago, and the fact that you weren't up front with him about hanging out with your friend. There is too much sneaking around in the whole relationship.





I do have one big question though. Why does your BF consider this other guy ';the enemy'; and hate him so much? It sounds like he has had harsh feelings toward this guy throughout your relationship, which simply doesn't make any sense. What's the story behind that?
Well for starters you are wrong about marriage, it does give you a safe haven and it is a commitment. The thing about that is that you both have to feel that way first. If you think of marriage as a serious commitment with lifetime implications and you make sure you have similar levels of intensity about money, sex, children and child rearing, work and interests you have a decent chance. If the best you can say is hes hot you don't.


This is the kind of guy who will never let you forget, nor will he forgive, and he will forever throw it in your face, at the same time excusing himself for whatever reason he wants to.


When the trust in a relationship is broken its hard to put back together, and both people need to want to do that. He doesn't he has a get-out-of-jail card now and he will forever use it. You didn't really do anything bad but lie about seeing the ex. If your bf were really secure he wouldn't care.


Back off this relationship for a while, see how things go without him.


Its really not healthy to love someone who tears you down because he did something wrong.
Lying IS cheating. And manipulating. And controlling.





That ';physical pain'; you feel without him, is anxiety. It's about how you feel about yourself, when you don't have him to focus your attention. It's what drives you to do things you don't understand. soothing that anxious feeling inside, that you're not good enough. (not good enough . . . for your own inner-critic).





When you finally accept THAT, you should take a weekend trip alone somewhere, have a couple bottles of wine, take a long walk on a beach, and then ask yourself. . . what is it that you're actually getting out of this relationship. And what do you want to get?
I lied to my spouse about drinking her breast milk and now she wont even speak to me. I have learned to never lie to my spouse - you need to be honest in everything you do, and don't try to hide things either.





Now I am sleeping on the couch and I dont know if my wife will ever forgive me.
Ok so you both have made mistakes here. Let's not get into the who made the bigger one. Instead you either need to go to couple's counseling to work this out or just leave one another and start out fresh.





You both are to blame for all the bitterness and bickering. I think maybe it is time to step back and think about what you have done, forgive one another and either like I said talk to someone or move on.