How to cope with separation from husband?

My husband left my 4 month old daughter and I about 3 weeks ago. He was (is?) cheating on me with his ex girlfriend but won't admit to it. He left me to meet this girl when my daughter was 8 weeks old, and flew this girl across the country and took her to a hotel in another city, even renting a car ( we own 3). I have come to realize that he'd contacted this girl 2 years ago after we'd just had a full term stillbirth. He does admit to being ';friends'; with her, but lies to me about the weekend he went away (says he was with guys from work). We have been arguing about this for going on 3 months now. Right after my daughter was born I could feel him pulling away from me, and it's been months now since I've felt any love from him. His mother came to stay with us for a month and she was very upset to see the way he was treating me, and sad that he's not being a good father. I had many private conversations with her, and she was trying to talk to him many times about how he should be treating us. In the past we have had fights to where he has hit me, and I've always felt that he is emotionally abusive to me, though he has also been very good to me, giving me a good life and whatever I've asked for. In all the stress of arguing about this, we had a fight one night while his mother was here and he chased me up the stairs yelling at me while I was carrying our baby. I felt very scared in the moment and locked myself in the bedroom and called the police to come. I've never done this before though I've had legitimate opportunities. When the police came I asked them to talk to him to cool him off because this fighting in front of the baby has to stop. After the police left I spoke to his mother and she understood why I'd done it and had no bad feelings toward me. My husband and I talked and I thought we were on the way back to repairing our marriage. Then 2 weeks after she left he decided to move out saying that he doesn't feel comfortable here anymore, and that I might hurt myself just to have him arrested. Okay I realize that what I did wasn't my proudest moment but I would never have him arrested on purpose and it wasn't my intention that night. I have apologized to him, his mother, and we have been to one marriage counseling session. He has been paying the bills and comes to visit the baby at night, even spending the weekend here. But when I try to talk with him or tell him I love him he pulls away, and he tells me that he won't move back. He says that he wants to go to couselling still and try to make things work, but then says that he thinks the counsellor will tell us that it can't be worked out. I'm confused, I love him very much, we have been together 7 years and after losing one baby I can't figure out why he's doing all this now that our daughter is here. He says that I am being pushy, but after months of no love I feel really starved. My family is all on the other side of the country and I don't really have any good friends to help. How do I cope with this seperation, and are these problems that can be resolved? I don't feel that there is any future for him with this other girl as his mother has already told him she won't speak to him any more if he is having a relationship with her. He has always been a family man, until recently. Do I just wait it out until he decides to come home? What do I do to win him back? How long do people stay seperate before they decide not to come back?How to cope with separation from husband?
nice start to a long novelHow to cope with separation from husband?
if he's cheating on you he doesn't deserve you, you can do alot better
I didnt even read your letter but cought the 1st sentence! SCUMBAG that leaves A child should be bitchslapped..... Good luck
Didn't you ask this just a day or so ago? How many answers do you want before you decide what you need to do?
..wait it out.
Youre a woman DONT WORRY! You have nothing to lose. If you get divorce you just cash in and get half of his money. Just sit back and drink a pina colada.
You deserve better treatment than this. You need to make a decision to move on. Your relationship started on a rocky note and it sounds like it never got any better. I think he has committment issues. I can understand how you want to keep your family together; but remember how he treats you. Do you really want your baby to see that growing up? If she does, she'll think the way his dad treats you is how she should be treated as a grown woman. You really don't want that for me, do you? It's scary to be a single parent, but at this point you need to surround yourself with people who love you - family and friends that accept and want to help you no matter what. They may say things that could hurt your feelings, seeing as how you're still very loyal to your husband, but you have to keep that in mind and not hold it against them. Hope things work out for you.
My heart really goes out to you.Is he on drugs? I really feel you have to move on,maybe move back to where your family lives for emotional help.With the right help and love from your family in time it will get better.I lost my first husband when I was 6 months pregnant with our second child.It took a couple of years before anything looked ';normal'; to me.The grief lasted for a long time But my parents had both passed away and I had an elderly Aunt who really helped me get though the worst of it.Just sitting there by yourself without support from anyone is too much.I would urge you to leave there and be with your family.You have a beautiful child that will help you in the long term too.He will have ? You are way further ahead.without him and his mental and physical abuse.
wow that is a lot to read


So i won't bother readin' it and tell you what i think





don't worry eat curry-relax its life **** happens just roll along and let the events unfold themselves
Tell him you want a divorce you will get half you and your daughter will move on HELLO he hit you what u thinkin the only thing for you now in you head is the FEAR of being alone u say ur family is far away go and spend some time with them and if the love is really strong between u he will come after you then you will know his true feeling be strong for your little girl if you not happy she wont be





best of luck
First thing you need to do is to quit trying so hard. Just quit trying to win him back and take it one step at a time. I'm not sure that I would want him back but that's just me. However, if you'll stay calm and cool about him not living at home while he decides what he wants to do things will work out. But the more you push the idea the less he'll like it. It has to be his decision... let him think it is... Good Luck with whatever you decide, but if you can't get along get apart. It isn't good for either of you or the child. Be careful... arguments can turn deadly fast! You and your child's safety must come first above all else.
That's so sad... :( reminds me of my dad with my mum before they separated for several years and just got divorced recently... except my dad had many women.. i'm sorry x
I don't think you should be looking at 'winning him back'. For what ever reason, the relationship no longer works, and is unhealthy for all involved.





You need to start taking care of yourself and your daughter, and stop worrying about your partner and where he is and who he is with and if he is coming home. Make sure you are in a position to stand on your own 2 feet, financially and emotionally, just in case things don't work out.





It is good that you are willing to work on the relationship, but sometimes these things do end.





I have just come out of a similar experience, which could have been a lot less confusing and painful if my partner had been honest with me about his feelings for me and his relationship with his 'friend'.





I clung for too long to the thought that it will be ok, despite his distance (he claimed nothing was wrong, or he was tired etc). Sometimes actions really do speak louder than words, even though we often choose to avoid admitting what we see and know deep deep down. He may not want to be a family man anymore, but doesn't have the guts to say it. Guys are frustrating like this!!!!





Stop counting the minutes until he comes back, and start counting the minutes that you are strong, and doing just fine without him. He is abusing his position and using you, by making you wait for something that may or may not happen, whilst he is out, testing the waters to see if he can get a better deal elsewhere.





Stop letting him emotionally bully you! Get angry if you have to, whatever it takes to make you stand up and say ';I'm not going to take this, it is hurting me and our child'





He is jerking you around, you do not deserve that. Start making decisions for yourself and your child and move on. Doors will open. Utilize the support of your friends, family and community.





Soon you will see the world is a much bigger and brighter place with out the shadow of a hurtful and confusing relationship casting doubt on all you know.





As for the arrest, you did what you had to, to keep yourself and your child safe.





Be strong. :)
OK LOOK!! get a over night sitter and get your GROOVE ON!! It's not hard!! Trust me!! Just remember what he did to you and your baby!! It will feel great!!
wow i really sympathise for you. it must be so hard for you right now but try to keep strong, for your daughters sake. you have been through so much to get such a precious gift in life, keep it dear to you.


if your husband doesn't want a part of this life then it is best to leave him. men usually like to sulk and try to make you feel guilty by making you do all the moves. sucks doesn't it.


next time he is over to see the little one, don't be in the same room as him, don't converse with him, let him see her and then let him leave.


he needs to know what HE did was very wrong and when you give him the time an day that makes him think it is alright.


Just fill your days playing with your daughter, who is your world now isn't she.


Try to embrace yourself in her smiles and laughter.


If this man loves you he will surely let you know....sooner, if not later.





I don't know if i helped or not, but i hope you the best


x
The short answer is:


1) Give him up. He doesn't love you anymore.


2) File a divorce. Go back to your family.


3) Get a job. Live a life that you will be proud of.
take this from someone who's been there, love isn't fists and harsh words. A family man doesn't hit, hurt, or argue in front of the kids. Don't ever apologize for protecting yourself or your children. Use this time to find yourself again and watch the wonder of your beautiful daughter. Be strong for her!! Go to counseling yourself and learn what a wonderful life really is because what you just described isn't it! Good Luck!!!
The are no rules or time limits but please just stop and let so breathing room happen you are all over the place please just focus on yourself and your needs please get counselling and help for you





stop talking to his mother blood is always thicker than water your emotions are all over the place and i also believe your hormones also





if you truly love your husband and yourself learn about whats happening focus on your child and making yourself attractive and happy and improving yourself so you can find yourself in a clear spot to decide whether you really want this man or not at the moment your life is only full of reactions not actions this is a terrible place to be


i know as i have been there so many times





take control believe that you are woth loving good luck