If you've divorced when you had young children...?

How did you help them ';cope'; ?





My husband cheated and left when I was 6 months pregnant. Eventually, wen our son was 4 months pregnant, we tried to reconcile...only to have him cheat and walk out again within 6 weeks. We've been apart since then, and are divorced since December.





I've always been the custodial parent, taking care of our son's needs since birth. My ex wasn't around at all (by HIS choice) for the first few months of our child's life, and hasn't been involved a lot since then.





I do admit he's made improvement and want to play an active part of our son's life... but his work schedule makes that nearly impossible, so all he gets is every other weekend and one afternoon (but we do it from 5-7) a week.


It's been like this for months, yet our son seems to have a hard time adjusting. (he's 20 months old now). He still acts like they are strangers when he goes to his father's place (he lives with his pregnant gf(yeah, the girl he cheated on me with and left me for), her mom and her step-father), he acts all shy, etc. He normally is a joyful little boy, runs around everywhere, but when he gets there its like he shuts down.


When he comes back from his visitation, even if it's two hours, he doesn't slee through the night. When he comes back from an overnight visit, it's even worse, even though we stick to the same bed-routine with him.


We're at loss at what to do. His father can't spend more time with him, because of work, and since he's going to have another child within the next weeks (his gf is 8 months pregnant), I'm afraid he'll have even less time!





Any ideas? on how to help our son cope? Tips or tricks? He doesn't even always recognize his father..





And no, I don't talk bad about his father around him, and always try to get him excited to go see daddy... yet he doesn%26lt;t call his father daddy either (he can say the word, but won't say it to mean his dad..:S)..If you've divorced when you had young children...?
I don't really have many words of advice but I can tell you I am in a very similar situation with my soon-to-be ex and my son (22 months) It is the most frustrating feeling when you are trying to do what is in the best interest of your child and it seems to make them anxious, shy, and change their behavior for the worse. I guess I would say, keep on with what you're doing with your son. When you have him, keep to your routines and make the best of that time. Just know that you are doing the best you can for your child. Good luck!If you've divorced when you had young children...?
Your son will be fine, he's young and as he grows he won't even be able to imagine what it was like for you two to be together.





If it were me I'd just let your ex go on with his life...It doesn't sound like he has much time for his son anyway.





Your son can still grow up to be a good man as long as you do your part...My oldest sons father was killed in a car wreck when I was 7 months pregnant.
I was a single mom for 5 yrs. but my kids were older 12, 10 and 8 and now they are much older. and their father wasn't involved in their lives and they turned out to be great kids/young adults. I wanted them to have a relationship with their father but they choose not to. So I didn't force them. And now if they want they can as young adults.


I don't want to tell you anything bad. But what worked for me was just raising my dtrs by myself. It was easier for them and me. Plus it seems like your son is disturbed when he goes there. It takes him awhile to get adjusted again at your home. He must be very uncomfortable there.


Get some advice from an attorney. But my opinion is do it yourself. It will hard but you're already doing it.


Good luck to you.
i'm sorry for what you are going through. you son will adjust. my kids were a little older and easier. maybe instead of going to his place they can go to the park together? when he gets older then let him have him overnight.





good luck
Not to add any other concerns to your problem but maybe daddy isnt the one taking care of him when hes over there. My soon to be ex husband lives with some friends and (luckily my oldest is 5 and old enough to talk to me) he would let his friends take care of the kids and he didnt take care of them (i have a 1 year old as well). So when they were there they didnt spend any quality time with him, ie no bonding. Im not saying that you shouldnt let daddy get him. Just know whats going on when he does. You are the mom, you have a right to know. Besides, children dont avoid someone without a reason.