How do you cope after you find out your husband has been cheating?

I found text messages and picture mail on his phone. Of course he denies it, and said it was never meant for him, but she was actually talking to a friend, but I text'd the chick and she said no..it was definitely my husband that she was talking to, and she didn't know that he was married. She also said that she didn't want to have anything to do with him, but a few days later I found more picture mail on his phone. I blocked her number on his phone, but now it just makes me think he went ahead and got a Boost mobile phone just to talk to her and any other skanks that he talks to. I can't trust him anymore...all ties has been broken, but for me is the emotional feelings of how to break free. We have been married for 21 years...yes...that long..and this is the first time (that I know of) that this has happened. I also found another girls video message on his phone, and this video was showing of her boobs...so yeah, this one pretty much pushed it over the top. I think what gets me, is that he feels no remorse. He hasn't said he's sorry and he says he's not ready to talk to me...he probably (in my opinion) will never talk to me about it. He comes home and goes to work, like nothing ever happened. We have one son, that will graduate in June, and I think that's what really upsets me, is that he couldn't just wait till after June to do this. Please send me your thoughts and insite...on what I should or shouldn't be doing. Every time I want to talk about this, he states that I'm just pushing him further and further away....uh?? How??? what the hell did I do wrong?How do you cope after you find out your husband has been cheating?
Leave the jerk and get a good lawyer.


He will try to twist things around and make it all your fault -


while treating you like a doormat!


Pack his bags for him and kick him to the curb!How do you cope after you find out your husband has been cheating?
He could just be having videos of women that he does not know. It does however sound like he knows one of them. The fear of divorce will either change him or make him leave. You can't live with someone if they act that way. Sometimes when they don't talk they think that you will forget about it eventually.
Counseling or divorce
Yah....just like toronto said.





And what you did wrong was you got frumpy. It happens.
With most of these cases, I would suggest marital couseling. In cases like yours though when there is no remorse and the other person sees nothing wrong with what he has done and continues to do it, I usually say separate or divorce. It is unlikely that he is going to take any responsibility when confronted by a counselor if he can't even do so with you, his WIFE! I would file for a legal separation and see if that wakes him up! If not, he'll want to move on and if that's the case then let jerk go! Sounds like he's maybe going through an age crisis. Someday, he'll hopefully see how ridiculous he looks trying to stay young and hitting on these younger women who are most likely laughing at him behind his back! By then, he'll have lost everything and have many regrets. You deserve better than this though, but you need to see that for yourself!
Marriage can survive infidelity, but only if the cheating spouse accepts full responsibility for what he/she did wrong and is willing to do whatever it takes to regain the other spouse's trust. Neither is the case in your situation. Your husband is not only refusing to admit to what he's done, he is also trying to make it all your fault. You need to stop worrying about the timing of it, or how he could act like nothing happened, or any of the details that you're currently getting bogged down in. Get a lawyer and find out what your rights are, then take the necessary steps to end this mess of a marriage.
You didn't push him away, he wanted to be somewhere else with someone else! He should of just been honest with you about it, instead of allowing you to figure it out on your own. I think you should take your son and leave. You will have to explain to your son sooner or later about his dad. But until then don't torture yourself living in that house knowing this is going on. It sounds like it is pretty much over. Don't feel bad and don't blame yourself, because your not the one who made this happen, he did. You deserve better, don't hold on to the thought of the 21years, because he didn't, look forward to your future. Never stay with a cheater it never works because you will always have doubt. Good Luck!
I am going through the same situation, but my husband never dated his love. It is all delusional in his mind. She showed him some attention in middle school and he thinks he still loves her. Told me that marrying me was ';Better than nothing.'; Then he denied saying it. If I had known that he felt this way when we married, I would not have married him. He acted like I was the love of his life. We have been married 27 years, and he told me about her a month ago. He is contacting her. He doesn't want to talk about it either. Everyone says that he is being open with me. But he won't let me see the birthday card or see the email if she responds. How is that open? He tells me that he is not going to put up with me nagging him about this. I am the victim, but he makes me out to be the evil doer. I can't be mad at the ';girl'; from the past. She doesn't even know about him. She probably doesn't even remember him.
Oh my heart goes out to you honey. You are shell shocked. As weird as this may sound, give yourself some time to absorb this and then when you are ready, see a lawyer and then get really mad and kick him out. I know that this seems unreal to you but if you can take the time that you need to get over the shock and a bit of the hurt, and can stomach his actions, follow these steps ... one at a time. He's not going anywhere and it sounds like his 'relationships' aren't worth much anyway. As you gather the strength, confidence and information that you need from the lawyer seek out as much Comfort in your friends/family as possible. I wouldn't be so quick to tell your son about this though. You'll be able to explain your feelings and the situation to him much better when you have all your ducks in a row. Be strong when you're ready and don't bother trying to reason with him. He's pushed the limit and as much as it hurts, clearly doesn't respect you at all. Figure out what you can do for yourself and DO it. There is life after infidelity and divorce - I know from experience. There's no stigma to divorce anymore- it can offer you a whole new leash on life!





Good luck and don't forget to lean on your friends!
I couldnt cope after i found out that my husband cheated on me until I had my revenge on him


GO ahead and have an affair! Nothing has helped me until i tried a discrete dating where I met a wonderful man that tried me likke a queen.





Well, maybe your heart wants what the heart wants.





there must be an underlying cause for you to cheat. I was going thru the same thing with my husband 2 years ago. maybe you just need to get it out of your system.





My friend recommended me http://www.ashleymadison.com/A16277


And now I am glad she did. I didn't think it was going to make a difference, but it felt daaammnn good to do it.





Give it a try. maybe it could helop you like it helped me
I wouldn't even consider wanting to work on this. No telling what else he's been doing or if he's been sleeping with these women. And he won't talk to you to console you or even give you a peace of mine. I'd consider making movement into a divorce because he obviously doesn't love you anymore if he won't show that he's sorry or even talk about it. When you think about it, he won't say if he's sorry if he's still doing you dirty. You really deserve better. Good luck in whatever you choose to do.
A lot of men are under a tremedous amount of mental manipulation which they are unaware of. becoming familiar with these mental manipulations and step by step becoming free from their illusions is the solution. But it will work fro a person who is willing to look into the informatio honestly. So, if you become expert at understanding the information, which is pretty simple to understand, and have some talks with him about these tricks and the tricks that women in generakl use to manipulate men, he would be interested, and he would learn to not be imprsssed by them and not to be affetced by them. it takes time, with slow and steady progress. but it can be overcome. That is my take on it. Look into the book below.You can intrigue him by saying you want to share some insider secrets about how some women or how some sexual presentations grab and manipulate men. HE WILL BE INTERESTED.
You're pushing him away by trying to take away his play toy. Sorry if that sounds sad, but it usually fits. I don't think you did anything wrong, based on what you've presented here, but it could be nothing more than you have both grown apart (more him than you) and that can seem like a hard pill to swallow.





You haven't mentioned your age groups but a part of me suspects this is a midlife challenge issue for him and his play toys reflect that to some degree. If I'm right, the underlying motivation is his revisiting a former 'feeling of personal freedom'. Rather than doing some basic soul searching or finding a counsellor he has made the choice to carry on with women outside of your marriage. To me, that's a misdirection and can be very expensive, and all for nought.





Perhaps you could look into finding a counsellor in your area that could help you through your part of it. Unless you have a good solid support network of people you can trust to talk with about this, that's the way I would go with it. Consider the probability that you will need some support through this ordeal.





I don't think he's ready to be honest with himself, let alone you at this point.
He does not want to own up....no wonder, he feels guilty as hell! after what he has done to you and your son, he is unable to confront you, so he walks away , its the only way he can cope.....and subtly makes you feel bad, Ha! of all the nerve!


He did not think of the repercussions of his affair, let alone what it will do to your son or you.


Confront him, make him talk to you or at least tell him he can listen to what you have to say, there is no win win in this situation unfortunately.


Just be yourself, and be strong, he is not worth you having an emotional breakdown over.......