How do I cope with being cheated on? Serious answers only?

I'm 36 weeks pregnant (4 left until due date) and I found out about 3 weeks ago that my partner and father of my child has been cheating on me with a female 'friend' for the past year. She had no idea I existed, I called her to ask her to butt out because I saw how often he called her on his phone bill and got suspicious. Then I found out the truth, and even that he had gotten her pregnant but encouraged her to have an abortion.





Since it all came out, my partner has completely changed. He seems desperate to sort things out with me. He dropped her as soon as I knew about it. His behaviour has changed totally, he is no longer secretive about his phone or where he has been. I want to forgive him because I love him, and also because I don't want to deny him access to our daughter when she arrives. But I frequently just break down and want to end it all. I would like some tips on how I can cope with this without throwing it in his face all the time, because that won't help. Any advice?How do I cope with being cheated on? Serious answers only?
You don't have to cope - scream %26amp; cry %26amp; get it all out - you shouldn't keep it all in





Don't fall for his tricks


Damn right he now wants to sort things out with you - he knows he's messed up - but why didn't he come clean in the first place?


I'm not saying chuck him out, because your baby needs a Daddy after all, but don't let his guilt make you feel like you must forgive him. Concentrate on the baby til it's born - for your health %26amp; the baby's %26amp; worry about you %26amp; your partner's future afterwardsHow do I cope with being cheated on? Serious answers only?
1- Before forgiving him, ask yourself if you gave him a motive.


2- even if not, and you forgive him, NEVER bring the subject up.If you forgive, you have to FORGET.


3-if its you desire to forgive, do it.


4- If you think you can't cope with the above and are going to be chewing inside all the time.





Let him go now,before he repeats. it will be harder.
You have to do some serious soul-searching and decide if you truly want to be with this man and if so can you trust him. It will not be easy but with time the pain will lessen and you may be able to move on. But take it from someone who has been through a very similar situation to what you have (all but the pregnancy) there will always be lingering thoughts of the infidelity and you will have to learn to deal with them.





I hope things work out for you and congratulations on the baby enjoy the little one they grow up so fast and then you wish that you enjoyed them more when they needed to depend on you more.
The truth is, are you ever going to be able to truly trust him again or when he gets a phone call or leaves for a few hours wonder if he is with someone else? Probably not. To feel better about yourself you need to get away from this guy. If he really loved you and cared for you and the child you are having he would not have been cheating on you. Your number one concern is this child you are bringing into this world and do you really want it to be influenced by a man who cheated on you.





As for him dropping his mistress and coming back to you. He feels bad for getting caught and probably was using this girl for something to keep him occupied. How much longer will it be before he gets bored again and goes to find a new playmate? You don鈥檛 want to put yourself through this situation again so get out before it is too late.
Time is a big healer. Give your partner a chance. After all you love him as well. As you said he has changed to a great extant. Give him some time i.e. keep him on probation and I am sure things will get sorted out. In case you find him cheating again dump him.





Best of luck
Being cheated on is not something that I would be able to cope with. I do know that about myself.





However if you feel that you need to try and work it out, you need to follow your heart. Has he told you why he felt the need to cheat? and have you both sat down and had a serouse conversation about what happened and what your going to do to try and ensure that it never happens again?





I would also suggest counseling for both of you to work on your issues, because if he is cheating then there are issues, and you do not want to bring a child into a relationship with problems already there.
Hello fellow heartbroken girl, I empathise with you! I have just been through the same thing. Although I have been with my husband 13 years, and my children are a bit older, it hurts the same and knocks your confidence. My husband cheated on me for 7 months - he was sleeping with both of us and telling us both that he was finished with the other one. (It seems he was going through some sort of mid life crisis and unfortunately the other woman in my case was a real piece of work and wouldn't let him go either.) I went through hell and fell apart and wanted to end it all but I fought and fought and hung on, despite myself, and now things have worked out fine.


If your rival is willing to play ball hopefully your man will come around sooner (it sounds like he has) and though it is so hard to forgive and forget, you have to make that decision and then stick with it. Give it time, but if you are always going to feel insecure and unsure you will never be happy. Once your baby arrives you may feel differently too, right now she is still hidden from you as such so you feel like he is everything. She needs you to be happy and stable so think about it long and hard and all the very best of luck and happiness to you. Take care, x
It all depends on how good you are with your jealousy feelings. If you deep down don't care about him putting it about some, as long as he keeps coming back, well, you are made for each other. There's no guarantee he will always come back, though, remember that.


Raising a child on your own must be scary. That's probably why you are willing to pretend he's a nice man and go on staying with him.





Don't kid yourself, though.


A person that cheats once will do it again. It's just that they like the buzz, and feeling naughty is half the excitement: that's how they are, you can't change that. Of course now he's been caught he acts guilty, like a ';good boy'; who won't do it again. But he will. Only next time he won't be leaving her number on his bill, but call her by other means. This at least will avoid you suffering.





On the other hand, consider that if you are pregnant and he's sleeping around, you and your child might be infected with sexually trasmitted diseases. You don't know who the other girl has been sleeping with, or how many others there have been that you have not found out about, and he might have contracted anything during sex, and passed it on to you two. You might want to have yourself tested.





You say he has ';dropped'; the other as soon as you found out. First, that sounds awful on the other woman, poor thing!


He is a really cruel man, a user of people. AND, how do you know he has dropped her? Because he says so? Because he makes more of an effort in finding excuses an lies?





One day he might find someone he likes better than you, and you will be the one to be ';dropped';. And your daughter will be suffering too.





Be prepared for this, if you choose to stay with him.
Oh baby - I really, really feel for you! From experience, my husband cheated on me three months after I had given birth. He too couldn't do enough for me when I found out but thats just because he was feeling guilty. For a while I made him grovel, the hurt I was feeling has now turned into anger and all the trust is gone - was it worth staying together ... NO but thats just my opinion. You don't have to deny him access to your baby, he has a moral and financial responsibility to the baby and for the baby's sake she does have the right to get to know her dad. He's not hiding anything now because he's been caught out but imagine another year down the line ... whenever he's five minutes late your mind will start working overtime and the arguements etc will not be beneficial to your little girl. You are feeling terribly let down and thats totally understandable, you will break down because your hormones are playing havoc right now but don't give up. You have got so much to look forward to and even more to live for - your little girl ... your baby will mean everything to you (with or without the sod). You also have the upper hand in that you don't have to make a decision now (about whether you want to stay with him or not) ... bide your time and in the end you will make the right decision for you and your little baby. Wishing you all the best xxx
you've got to think whether you'll eve be able to trust him again. you're lucky that he wants to patch things up. when I found out about my ex's affair, he just dumped me like a brick. 2 weeks before our sons first bday. he had a gf who thought i was his sister, men can really make up some bullsh*t to get their own way.





It'll take a LONG time to get over and come to terms with, youve got to decide whether it's worth carrying on as you are, or splitting and moving on.





You'll always wonder why he did it, and after a while they'll start telling you to shut up. I still don't know why my ex did was he did (lied to me constantly etc) so i suppose it ain't the best advise, but look into yourself, see what you want, and if he doesn't follow, then just leave.
I am amazed you can ask strangers for help and advice in this matter, its far to personal to share with anyone other than your direct family or profesional bodies////////Best of luck anyway.....
Yes. Out of experience I will tell you this.





Sit with him. Have a long conversation. Keep a moderate tone of voice. Avoid scenes. No crying, shouting or finger pointing. Just talk. Ask him to give you the details of his cheating, in other words to give you his technique, so you can learn more from his behavior.





Tell him about your future as a couple. Your responsibilities, your feelings and make a deal and a ZERO tolerance policy towards this happening again.





AVOID Keeping him just because he is the father of your baby, I've seen it happen before, it's not going to work unless you (both) make it work.





Points to consider:


鈥?He might be truly sorry


鈥?He is the guilty one not her, she didn't know, and even if she did, she owes you nothing.


鈥? If you keep him and it doesn't work, your kid ends up paying for it.


鈥?Think about your kid FIRST, you SECOND, him TENTH.


鈥?Observe his behavior to the last detail, everything, keep track of what he tells you, his tone of voice and all.


鈥?Do not marry him unless you truly love him (it is obvious he doesn't so be careful)
This seems really hard to deal with at this point of time. I went through something like this. My daughter was 6 months old when we found out she was born without a hip. It was hard to go through surgery and then having to quit my job to stay home with her. My husband I guess was unable to deal with it, so he turned to another women. He started by coming home late than not coming home at all. I loved him so much that I didn't want to give up on the marriage. However, after loosing so much weight, and seeing my daughter without her father, I figured if he didn't care than he wasn't worth having in our lives. I left and bettered my life by being involve with my daughter and going back to school. I did try going back but I knew that it would always be in my mind that he would cheat again. It's not healthy for you and your relationship between your husband and child. Like the saying, once a cheater always a cheater. It sounds bad but habits are hard to break.


I'll tell you one thing though, it made me a stronger person. Now I have what I believe is a healthier life with a loving daughter and I also found someone who loves me and my daughter and we now have a daughter of one month. So there is life out there and I'm sure someone who will love you and only you.
hi..im so sorry to hear that your husband cheated on you..its very painful


of course u are angry and hurt..and u should leave him..but honey theres a kid involved in this since your pregnant and all..so try and forgive him for the childs sake..otherrwise your baby will suffer..think about it k


bye
well....it seems as if he wants things to work with you.....you've given him one more chance...make sure he understands that is it.....focus on being a family and having this child.....take care of yourself and if he is being truthful things will be ok.....if he pulls that stunt again, get a lawyer and kick him to the curb....good luck and best wishes for a happy healthy baby
My husband cheated on me when I was 5 months pregnant with my daughter and my son was 2. She is now 7 almost 8 he will be 10 in 3 days and it took alot on my part to learn to forgive him. The trust, is not 100% as it was before he did that, but I have regained the respect that I lost for him. It has been a hard road to walk down. and I am not going to sugar coat it and say it gets better because in the beginning there were times I asked myself why was I still with him. I bit my tongue on several occasions and still do to this day, because if I said what I wanted to say it would make things worse. He was trying to make things better. All I really need to tell you is if your going to stay you need to let it go. Don't forget, he had a relationship with someone else, but you will have to forgive him in order for you to be able to move on. I did and I can honestly say it has all worked out for the best. I wish you the best and apologize for the pain that you have been going through. I really am.
I have never been in such a complicated situation before but my mother has, when my mum was pregnant with me my dad went with her best friend for the majority of the pregnancy. When she found out she walked away from my father, and it is the best thing she could have done, we have not always had much but as a female my mother taught me the most important lesson, to respect myself and that as a women I do not need to rely on men, to put myself first and to rely on myself. I have a relationship with my dad (a good one at that) and my mum remarried when I was 12 to a lovely guy.





Now we have been lucky but I just thought you should have both sides of the story. I really hope you do whatever will make you happy.
Once a cheat, ALWAYS a cheat. Drop him like a bad habit. Raise YOUR child without that kind of trash being around him/her. Your relationship will not go anywhere with the thought of him screwing another woman and knocking her up also!!!





Sheez!!! Lose that loser!!!!
If you 2 have any hope you need to find out were you two went wrong best to see a canceller will help as it is worth working on
i hope you turn into a brave woman to forgive him.you will feel comfortable
Write out a balance sheet so you can see it for what it is and decide what to do for the best for YOU





Is your life better with him it, even knowing what he has done? Only you can decide that, but it will be difficult at this vulnerable time


.
I know how hard it is to go through pregnancy. But... If you willing to give him another chance because you dont want your child to not have the father around then thats your choice. But Once a cheater always a cheater! Do you want your whole life second guessing him when he is out alone? If you dont trust him... you never will. I am sorry you are going through this. Good Luck with the Birth of your child.
It won't be easy forgiving him but if he really is trying to change maybe you could forgive him. He did hurt you but wounds will heal with time so just don't throw it in his face alot and try to work things out the best way you can. I am also concerned about the fact he encouraged her to have an abortion.
To be honest with you, there are no tips as such for helping you to cope with this situation. Its something everyone handles differently and each situation is completely different. What you have been through is incredibly tough especially as you're pregnant - I can only imagine the heart break you must be feeling right now. Only you can figure out how to cope with this though. You've obviously made your decision to stay with this man (as hard as that might have been) so I'm not going to bore you with any of that ';once a cheater always a cheater'; rubbish and I really hope it works out for yours and your daughters sake. If its any help it seems that your partner has finally realised whats at stake and is doing the right thing by changing his behaviour - perhaps he wanted to end this affair long ago but didn't know how? The important thing to remember and the only thing that is going to get you through this is that its you he's with. Its you he wants to stay with and its your baby he wants to father. He will have to earn your trust back over time and the relationship will take time to heal. As long as you are both communicating and being totally honest then there's no reason why you can't be happy again together one day and why you can't get over his unfaithfulness.
leave him and get him to pay child support for the next 18 years. That will teach him he should have kept his little weanie in his pants.
Just take it one day at a time.
oh dear , u must go throu a hard time but at the end it must be u taking the decisions . u must think what it is u want to do , not for the childs sake but for urs . the child will be better growing up in harmony and if u cant give any as partners better to take ur decisions now .


dont let anyone get in the middle but take it in ur hands , its ur life.


i wish u all the best
Wow a bad time for you to go through an emotional roller coaster. Seems like you have married a K-Fed type, every woman he sleeps with ends up getting pregnant, jokes aside. I think for now you should focus on giving birth to your child, you want to make sure the life you are bringing into this world is safe and healthy. If you are a strong and independent woman and do have some friend and family support, leave your partner and take care of yourself and your baby. Right now since you found out he is frantic and is trying to be the nicest person. But the fact of life is that you will get more involved into taking care of your baby, because it needs you, this will give your partner an excuse to cheat on you again. So to avoid a second heart break, after the baby, plan on moving on with your life.
I dont know what to suggest other then follow your heart. My friend cheated on his girlf and he was besoted with her (his gf) it's just that he wasnt getting any at home so went looking somewhere else for it. I'm not saying thats right, but when his girlf found out she split with him, and he was been gutted for 2 years, as was his girlf. They never got over eachother and eventually got back together.


If you truely love him and truely believe he's not straying and you want to stay with him, then you'll have to bite the bullet and forgive him and let it go. If you cant to that, then either chat to him or walk out. Also, will he be a good father? If you want to chat in more detail, e-mail me. All the best ;-)
I personally have not experienced anything like this, but I believe the saying ';Once a cheater, always a cheater'; is true.
if you trully love this guy and feel that you can make this relationship work then you could both try marriage counselling. but don't sort things out just for the sake of children. you can always split and still allow him to see his children. but would you be able to trust this man again? there must have been something wrong in the relationship before he felt the need to go to another woman. find out this reason. this is a very big decision for you to make. and especially at such a crucial point in your life. make sure you have your friends around you for support. good luck