How can i cope with the emotional strain i put on my relationship?

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. Before him, I breifly dated this other guy who my current boyfriend hates. About 2 months ago, I lied to my boyfriend and went to hang out with this other guy. It wasn't anything like cheating, but I just wanted to see someone who used to be a good friend to me that I hadn't seen in about 3 or 4 years. Well my boyfriend found out, and has been having a freak out ever since. He cheated on me 4 years ago, and I forgave him. Then i found out he was ';hanging out'; with another girl on my birthday last year, but since I couldn't find any proof that he cheated again, I stayed with him... I love him so intensely that the thought of being without him hurts me physically. So now, he treats me like crap and acts like I deserve it because I ';lied to him for his enemy, and snuck around behind his back';. he also thinks i cheated on him with this guy, but I never cheated on him once in our 6 years together, and would never after feeling the hurt of him cheating on me. Now I dont know what to do, because I know I deserve his anger for lying to him, and now he can't trust me. But the way he's been treating me, you'd think he completely forgot the damage he did to me in the past by cheating and sneaking around. Like what I did is a thousand times worse than what he did. I dont know what to do anymore, as we fight and bicker constantly. I love him in an unparallel way, but I dont know if staying with him is worth anymore of the emotional pain I am feeling. Should i suck it up because I'm the one who messed up, and see if it passes? Or should I walk away and find someone who can accept that I make mistakes, just like they do? I feel like I'm going insane... please help. and dont judge, i dont think i could handle peoples rude sarcastic comments on this one.How can i cope with the emotional strain i put on my relationship?
Ask yourself.......why should you HAVE to cope with this constant, unforgiving, judgemental, abusive behavior? You are human and didn't cheat.....but his guilt is wanting him to believe that you did cheat so that he doesn't have to feel so guilty about what HE did. He is trying to ';transfer'; his feelings of guilt to you.....so that you will feel guilty enough for both of you, and it releases him from the bondage of guilt.


But at the same time.......his guilt IS putting you into bondage.


Do you really believe that this is what love is about?


Personally.....I would let him go and move forward, without him. You need to believe enough in yourself that you deserve to be truly loved for you......faults and all. You are a human being.....not a martyr.


And as the Bible says......no sin is greater than another.


And who is he that he can sit in judgement of your actions or you as a person? Who died and made him God?


Do you think it would get any better? NO it will not. He needs a scapegoat and as long as you are with him......that is all you will be to him. He has no respect for you. And he doesn't have respect for himself. He should be man enough to admit his own failures with having to lay them on you. You have your own issues to deal with, without having to take on his issues. He is extremely immature and it appears that he may never grow out of it as long as he maintains a scapegoat in his life. He will never be man enough to ';step up to the plate';


God bless you and good luckHow can i cope with the emotional strain i put on my relationship?
Who cheated on who? Who can't trust who? Come on! Yes, you did something you shouldn't have but what he did was one of the worst things a man can do. He's already cheated on you once, chances are he'll do it again. Is that the kind of relationship you want? You deserve to be treated better than that girl!
Truth is if you deal with a man you deal with some kind of stress. Wheter you wnat to keep him depends on how much stress you are willing to deal with. Stay single and stressfree or work it out with him. Good Luck.
this is the marriage and divorce section. Go to singles and dating.
How old are you? This sounds extremely immature.
The way that you said you deserve his anger for lying to him, really stuck out to me and slightly concerned me. You do not deserve his anger for lying to him. You need to find someone mentally mature enough to accept your apology and forget about it. Forgiving is easy but forgetting is hard. If he can't find it within himself to let go of past emotions between the two of you, then you definitely don't deserve that. The reason I think that he is putting you through all this is because of his guilt for his own mistakes. A man and his wife came in two or three years ago and told me that they had both cheated on each other several times. What I do in my business is I counsel the family together and listen to what they think is the problem and then I counsel them each individually. Well, when I took this man by himself for the second session, he confessed to me how his guilt was eating him alive. He had cheated the first four times and then the women had cheated once. When I talked to her, she said that she had been made to feel terrible even though, in her opinion he was the one who had committed the greater crime in their relationship. People take out their own insecurities and their own problems on other people. Then, when I dug deeper I realized that this man was so scared that his wife was going to leave him because of what he'd done and he tried to make her think that she deserved everything he was putting her through. I'm not saying that this is the exact same scenario but I will tell you that people try to make others feel lesser. Whatever the case may be, you do not deserve to hear these words being said to you over and over, especially seeing as how you didn't really do anything. You may have kept a little secret, but it's nothing compared to what he's done. He obviously is guilty and that guilt may be turning him crazy. You need to tell him how you feel. I know that you're crazy in love, but if this doesn't come to an end pretty soon, you have to leave. Don't put yourself in the middle of uneccessary drama, hun. Hope this helps! Message me if you need anything more.
I think you need to answer 2 questions:


1) What is the reason he cheated? Not being drunk or whatever but the real reason. What was going wrong in your relationship that he had sex with someone else?





2) What is the reason that you lied and spent time with your ex? ie. what is it that you found in your ex's company that is missing in your life?





If you answer these questions, I think you'll get a better understanding of the dynamics of your relationship with him - and how you can fix it.
Obviously there is a lot of stuff that has transpired in your relationship and the two of you are not surviving it very well. There is a complete lack of trust between the two of you. Part of his lack of trust toward you is that he was unfaithful some years ago, and the fact that you weren't up front with him about hanging out with your friend. There is too much sneaking around in the whole relationship.





I do have one big question though. Why does your BF consider this other guy ';the enemy'; and hate him so much? It sounds like he has had harsh feelings toward this guy throughout your relationship, which simply doesn't make any sense. What's the story behind that?
Well for starters you are wrong about marriage, it does give you a safe haven and it is a commitment. The thing about that is that you both have to feel that way first. If you think of marriage as a serious commitment with lifetime implications and you make sure you have similar levels of intensity about money, sex, children and child rearing, work and interests you have a decent chance. If the best you can say is hes hot you don't.


This is the kind of guy who will never let you forget, nor will he forgive, and he will forever throw it in your face, at the same time excusing himself for whatever reason he wants to.


When the trust in a relationship is broken its hard to put back together, and both people need to want to do that. He doesn't he has a get-out-of-jail card now and he will forever use it. You didn't really do anything bad but lie about seeing the ex. If your bf were really secure he wouldn't care.


Back off this relationship for a while, see how things go without him.


Its really not healthy to love someone who tears you down because he did something wrong.
Lying IS cheating. And manipulating. And controlling.





That ';physical pain'; you feel without him, is anxiety. It's about how you feel about yourself, when you don't have him to focus your attention. It's what drives you to do things you don't understand. soothing that anxious feeling inside, that you're not good enough. (not good enough . . . for your own inner-critic).





When you finally accept THAT, you should take a weekend trip alone somewhere, have a couple bottles of wine, take a long walk on a beach, and then ask yourself. . . what is it that you're actually getting out of this relationship. And what do you want to get?
I lied to my spouse about drinking her breast milk and now she wont even speak to me. I have learned to never lie to my spouse - you need to be honest in everything you do, and don't try to hide things either.





Now I am sleeping on the couch and I dont know if my wife will ever forgive me.
Ok so you both have made mistakes here. Let's not get into the who made the bigger one. Instead you either need to go to couple's counseling to work this out or just leave one another and start out fresh.





You both are to blame for all the bitterness and bickering. I think maybe it is time to step back and think about what you have done, forgive one another and either like I said talk to someone or move on.

MY HORRIBLE SISTER!!!?

hi, well were shell i start ok here it goes, well i have this bitchy sister ok.. she takes things out on me if she is pissed or she didn't get her way, she's always lying to my mum and my me and i know she is lying but i just don't say anything to her, she isn't the same as before when she always wanted to tell me things. she over does things e.g '; if i did something exultantly then i say am sorry she will go on about it to just get me into more trouble. she fakes things and always cheats on her coursework (copes from Google, and puts it in her work, and say it her work) she annoying and never stops talking and also she tried to act pissed but she's not just wants people to say to her ';oh Monica are you ok?';. and as she is older then me and wiser then me when i ask her for help she acts like she doesn't know but later on she would do it for her self. she is also my half sister and we didn't grew up together she came to this country 2 years ago (and me 8 years ago).





so please can you tell me how i can show her i don't care if she's trying to heart me and also show her that if she is being bitchy i wouldn't care, also can you please tell me how i could do things on my own and show her that i don't need her help.





thank you and please don't say speak to her because am not good with these kind of things and she is the most cold hearted person (believe me)








thank youMY HORRIBLE SISTER!!!?
If you want to be less dependent on your sister but you need advice from someone you can always talk to friends, or your parents. Or you know there are A LOT of people who post there personal problems here and get some pretty good advice to pick from , (some not so great but you'll figure that out) To show her that it doesn't bother you about the stuff she does well it's simple don't let it, if shes as cold hearted as you say she is then she's looking for a reaction out of you, cause she prob thinks it's funny, best thing you can do is just shrug it off and leave her be get your advice else where and you'll be fine. Hope this helps :PMY HORRIBLE SISTER!!!?
my sister does the same thing and she undermindes me all the time. i think yoou should tell ur parents or send her to jail or someting. My theory is everything happens for a reason, Think about it.
stop complaining. get over it
lmao get over it, sounds normal. alot of ppl are like that when they're young
talk to them

How to cope up with a broken family man i married?

I married a man who's attitude was like a headache to me due to the fact that he had parents who was separated since his childhood years.There comes a time that he cheated on me and he told me that it was my fault etc.What will i do this situation?Please help!How to cope up with a broken family man i married?
Either get rid of him or stay with him. More sex usually helps, but only in the short term. Bottom line if this guy wants o stay, he will. Sounds like he's so used to the adversity that he is doing everything he can to keep the same lifestyle he's used to. In other words his formative years he never learned how to make a relationship work.How to cope up with a broken family man i married?
So it was your fault he got a hardon and had sex with another woman? Sounds like a real winner you go on your hands there. Get rid of him. There are thousands of nice guys out there looking for a good solid relationship with a great girl. Don't settle and don't lower your standards.
Do yourself a favor and leave. You deserve better. Every minute that goes by in this situation you lose in life. You were not brought into this world to live in misery. Only you chose to live in misery.
Gee...what a tough question, you married this guy who was already a pain in the ***, and then he cheats on you? How blind do you have to be in order to miss such an obvious solution.
Dump him, according to him he can do whatever he wants without taking responsibility for his actions. Let him know he's lost what little of his mind he had if he thinks you're going to agree to that.
get out before he takes the best years of your life.
If you knew about his bad attitude towards relationships from the start.. why did you marry him?
k





1. knock his *** out





2. pack up your stuff





3. get the ef outta there.





There is no excuse for treating you that way.
He cheated - leave him
You obviously are married to a lying, cheating con artist. Tell him to grow up and start acting like a man and quit all his whining about his childhood. None of that is your fault and maybe if he can't get over it he needs to go see a shrink.


You may choose to give him a chance to straighten up and fly right, but make sure he understands that it is a one time chance and then he is history.


Good luck
Well, dear, looks like he's following the only script he's ever read.....the one his life has been based on.





Ask him if he liked being raised by separated parents and if that is how he wants his family to live, how he wants his kids raised. Ask him if he'd like to stop the cycle. It's a lot of work but he'll have to learn how to be the other adult partner in the relationship.





I too was responsible for everything that came down the pike....because I was the one doing all the work!!! So if a situation developed, naturally it was not his fault because he never dealt with any of our marital responsibilities.





He just needs to make one decision....whether or not to honor his vows...to love, honor, and respect you....(comes before the death do you part part). If he can, great. If he can't then he needs to admit it.
You married him WHY?!?
Having a broken family life is no excuse for cheating on someone. I came from a broken family and I would never cheat on my husband.





It is not your fault either! Dont let him try to blame you.





It sounds like your husband is a bit immature and it will be hard for you to trust him in the future. You deserve better and I would leave him if i were you. I would only consider getting back together if he and you went to professional counselling (mainly for him to work through what he did etc,).





It must be so difficult for you. Just remember - if he has done it before he is likely to do it again - no matter what he says. I know that is not very comforting, but you need to put your best interests first here or you will only get hurt again.





I pray that he sorts himself out and i pray for you during this difficult time, for strength, wisdom and comfort.





Best regards
chin up there is hope look back to when you first met im sure there are some great memories of when you first fell in love . my husband and i went through some real trying times as well infact we still getting over some bumpy spots. he had said some aful stuff to me and i wanted to leave....long story short we went for conselling and also started to go to church together. every day is as new day and we are slowly puting the pieces back together. the is key is talk and try to break the walls that are up dont give up
Leave him. He is making excuses for his unforgivable behavior. This man is selfish and does not deserve you. Get out before he takes the best years of your life, then leaves you for a newer model!!

If your husband cheated and a baby came out of the afair could you stay?

Let's say you cheated on your wife, a one night stand, and you told your wife and the two of you decided to work it out and you were truly sorry. What would you do if the one night stand, an ex gf, came two or three months later and said she was pregnant? Could this cost one their marriage? How do you go about telling your wife this? Any women could you work through this with your husband. The doctors appointments, taking the mother's child places for checkups and bringing her medice ect. How would you cope if you decided to stay? Has anyone ever been in this situation?If your husband cheated and a baby came out of the afair could you stay?
Invest in your love and to be happy.


When you make a commitment to a relationship, you invest your attention and energy in it more profoundly because you now experience ownership of that relationship.If your husband cheated and a baby came out of the afair could you stay?
That was in my mind for 9 miserable months after my man cheated on me! I would never go that far and would have to end it with that. Getting another woman pregnant is by far the worst thing that can happen in an affair. Good luck if you decide to stay. I would not deal with another woman in my husband's life for 18 years!
Everyone is different... But me for one, I would not have stayed with you... I would have left the second you told me!!!! %26amp; you brought this sh** on yourself
I wouldn't have stayed through the cheating so it wouldn't have been an issue.
Round 2 on this question? You are in a tough spot here. How do you tell your wife? You say, here is the bank account,the keys to the house and the car... I ruined our lives. Goodbye! And you leave quickly before she explodes!





An affair would be difficult to forgive, but a one night stand with no real emotional connection would probably be forgiveable - eventually - if he cut ALL ties with the other woman %26amp; made a clear %26amp; honest commitment to our marriage. But, for me, the baby would be a dealbreaker because that would tie my husband into this woman's life FOREVER! We could never ever really put this behind us, especially if he wanted to be involved with appointments, be present at the birth, etc. Even if he wanted no contact but just sent child support it would be hard. I guess he'd have made his NEW bed and I'd tell him to go sleep in it because I could never get a good night's peaceful sleep next to him again.

Cheating question?

so i just told my boyfriend yesterday that i cheated on him once (this was a year ago by the way) and he took it well but of course was mad and suprised. i know for a fact it wont happen again and i love him dearly. how can i help him cope with this....i want to help himCheating question?
Congratulations on your honesty in telling him about it a year later, too bad it's too little too late. If you love him dearly, you would have never betrayed him like that. You can't help him to cope with it, he needs to decide if he will be able to believe you and truly forgive and forget or IF he can ever trust you again. Sorry but I think you made your feelings for him quite clear when you cheated on him a year ago when you cheated on him.Cheating question?
This is something he has to deal with on his own. That is a hard thing to find out. Not to mention the fact you didn't tell him for a year.





He may find it very difficult to trust you again so if he questions you a lot about where you are going or who you are talking to , etc. you will have to be patient until he can regain the trust he once had in you.





Just don't give him any reasons to believe you might do it again. That is the only way to help him.
Well, that was not so cool, but hey it was a long time ago and i know you dont want to hurt him again. I think you should go out more ofte, show him you care for him and you are there for him ..Try to make him forget all that, by showing him that he can trust you. Just make sure you spend time with him, always talk to him so he can forget all that..Good luck!
It might be worth telling him that it's OK for him to cheat on you just once to even out the score: if he does this, it should help him forget about your straying and (hopefully) you 2 can patch things up again afterwards.
First, get things straight. Love does not equate to cheating!! If, you really loved this guy, you would have stayed true to only him. Sorry, but now you have fallen into another category of women we guys refer to as........ Let's just say it rhymes with Go.
just keep telling him you love him %26amp; will never do it again and he acutually does mean alot .
well first of all make sure it never happens again and stay faithful to him...that should help :) best of luck
cheating is only ok on tests...
spend more time with him, loveeeee him

blond hair

celebrity hair

How can i cope with my heart that have been broken and how can i tell him off without being vulgar?

i mean i had this boyfriend right but he broke my heart really bad, he basically was cheating on me but yet i still kept a lil hope he may still love me, but know i completly understand what i was for him, nothing much but some past time, he left with this other girl who at first he use to told me alot of bad stuff about her, but know they are together which i dont understand, i dont understand what i did wrong or soemhting i mean he left with the girl he use to hate and left me all broken hearted. but i also dont wnat to go like nothing have happen,i am angry at him hes nothing but an ingrate he didnt appreciate what i felt for him, so anyone can be kind and tell me how can i let him know how much he hurt me, but also whitout feeling desperate.How can i cope with my heart that have been broken and how can i tell him off without being vulgar?
Instead of telling him off or telling him how much he hurt you, because trust me it won't make a difference because he doesn't care.





You have to focus on your healing. Start journal writing, vent on paper - write him an UNSENT letter even, telling him exactly what you think of him and what he did. And in an UNSENT letter, you can be as vulgar as you want. Burn it when you are done. Write one daily if necessary.





You didn't *do* anything wrong. His morals, values, standards and expectations dictate his behavior, choice and decision to cheat.





iVillage has a great support board: Breaking Up is Hard to Do, check it out:


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlb鈥?/a>How can i cope with my heart that have been broken and how can i tell him off without being vulgar?
Telling him he hurt you will not do any good. He has shown that he didn't care before, so there is no reason to think he will care now. The best thing you can do is move on as best you can. Yes, it hurts but think about yourself %26amp; your future. Don't waste time on him anymore. You have wasted too much already...
The old adage goes: There's other fish in the sea.





Now, I realize that this particular cliche is often overused and, in reality, may seem a bit trite......but know this.....there is some eternal wisdom in that saying.





Image the look on his face if you met him on the street one day, and you had some hot, young, buffed, Greek Adonis on your arm. You think for one minute that he won't think to himself, ';dang!';?





You go find yourself someone else. Someone who can love and respect you for the woman you are!





And if you think that maybe you need some time to get over the hurt before you find someone else, then all the better. Take as much time as you need.





You know, in this world, there are men, then there are boys....and sounds to me like your ex boyfriend was just that....a BOY-friend.





Girl, get out your pole....it's time to go fishin'.
First please post your questions in the right section. This is divorce and marriage not your issue. Second if you really want help be sure what you post makes sense.
He doesn't care how you feel anyways. Telling him how much he hurt you doesn't mean nothing to him so don't waste your time and get with someone that wants to be with you! He is a idiot and you know it but if you want to hear someone say it yes, he's an idiot.
Just Hate him....its simple!!!!
The best thing for revenge and to make him think twice about you is to go on like you've completely forgotten him and have a ball. Nothing is more attractive to a dog like that than the hunt. If he knows he can have you, he'll have you and her and her and her.
Just walk away. Actions speak louder than words. Besides, do you really think anything you say is going to phase him? He doesn't care for you, so don't waste an ounce of thought on him. Forget him! There's nothing you could say or do to him that wouldn't make you look desperate except for dropping the very thought of him.

How do i cope with the fact that my boyfriend of 7 years cheated on me?

OK i am 22 years old and he is 23. We have been together since our sophmone year in high school. I just found out last thursday that he had cheated on me befoe i had gotten pregnant this was 3 years ago. He had sex with a girl he didnt even know at our neighbors apartment. He says ';hes sorry and that he wishes he could take it back if he had known that this was going to possibly break his family he never would have done it.'; I dont know how to deal with this i love him so much i love my little family. It just breaks my heart to know that this happened. I dont understand these years have been so good since our daughter was born. She loves us so much. The worst part is that we planned on gettting married in november of 2009. And ive been planning our wedding. someone please give me some good advice.How do i cope with the fact that my boyfriend of 7 years cheated on me?
The only ones that matter at the end of the day are yourself, him, and the children. There are going to be people who tell you things that you do not want to hear because you love him. You can either choose to listen, and grow cold and angry or, you can choose to ask him to tell you the whole truth so you can begin to heal. Please understand that this is not about you, what you did or didnt do, this is totally a decision he has made on his own, and he has to find a way to forgive himself, ask for your forgiveness and begin to heal together- if that is what you choose to do. I have lived it, been there, done it so all i can say to you is search your heart- do you see someone who loves you as an individual( not thinking about the affair) or do you see someone who treats you bad, and disrespects constantly? Sometimes actions do speak louder than words, but no matter the outcome you have to forgive- or you will become someone you no longer like. God bless you-TammyHow do i cope with the fact that my boyfriend of 7 years cheated on me?
Nest time get married first. Dump this guy. He'll cheat again. He's sorry that he got caught.